Is it humanly possible to drop the rope?

[AntoniaB]

Thanks Delboy, you make a lot of good points and you also made me laugh!

I had a conversation about all this with my good friend last night. She's my only "source" as far as someone who is still connected to him on FB. She doesn't interact with him but she sees at least that window into his life. I said "should I drop the rope, be totally honest." She couldn't bring herself to say yes. She said she doesn't recognize any goodness in him, or even recognize him, for that matter, in his posts, that he is obnoxious and arrogant and cynical and seems to have become an entirely different person down to his hobbies and everything. So typical MLC stuff. That after 2 1/2 years, he's still using FB as a platform to try to convince everyone how great the OW is, who never acknowledges him on FB though he tags her and crows about her incessantly. Everythign she does, he promotes it like he's her PR person.

And yet despite all that my friend's advice was "well you never know what will happen with him in the future but just try to focus on your life now without him." And that's kind of part of it, too, that everyone close to me is incapable of telling me to drop the rope. They ALL hold out some secret or not-so-secret hope that things change. I think part of this is that to friends and family he and I had a marriage far better than theirs, and THEY believe in that fairy tale too!

I think what I'm hearing from a lot of you is that you'll just "know" when it's time to fully let go, and if I'm asking the questions yet, it ain't time ;-) But I do think renewed vigor on my part of moving forward without him is important so I don't go back into depression. I'm not in a depressive state, more like introspective, but it does loom off in the corner sometimes.