Yes, this is an OK feeling considering what you're going through.
Thank you. Receiving validation from you and others in during this time is simply comforting.
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I doubt your W will file for D anytime soon. I think there's a lot of fear and confusion in her...
I'm not mindreading, but I do agree that she has lots of mixed emotions and thoughts (fear / confusion) Also, not filing anytime soon is partially due to our financial sich, she cannot afford a L, unless she sells her wedding ring.
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Ultimately, you will know what is right for you.
I hope so. I certainly hope so. One way or another, I hope I discover that point on my path sooner than later. I want it to come from my head, not my heart.
Journaling...
So last night, I was able to find a friend (married with kids) who was able to go out for a few. His idea actually sounded dreadful (sports bar / restaurant to watch a UK basketball game). I say dreadful, as I had just eaten dinner; and I'm not a big bssketball fan, especially that UK -- OM's fav team.
In a nutshell, I forced myself to go. I had to. A mini sad wave was crashing upon me, missing my kids / missing my "life." I went to a room and just laid down contemplating what to do. How I am so much better around people / having something to do. Loneliness is a big thorn for me.
I offered to pick him up so he could drink if he wanted as "I'm on the wagon." All in all it was much better than I expected, especially b/c the alternative was staying at home with my parents. Love them and all, but watching reruns of shows isn't exactly appealing. Some may consider anti GAL. 8) Friend of course asked for an update on the sich, it wasn't bad. He didn't offer any "advice," which was nice, other than take care of myself. He too went through a D many years ago so he understands a little more. I did order food. I did not pay attention too much to the game, except for cheering for the other team as needed.
Came back to go to sleep. Had a second night's worth of weird dreams. The night before, was just weird no details. Last night's was me Yelling at S7 to get dressed while I was ironing clothes. I was Yelling at everyone near me in my dream. ??? I then woke up and had about an hour's worth of tossing and turning and thinking all sorts of angry thoughts about my sich, W, OM, everything. Woke up feeling a little better for whatever reason.
I have a few hours before I choose to go home. I have that uneasy feeling in my stomach. What will I encounter when I get there? The tension that W alluded to in an earlier. Ironic thing, is that as I'm typing this, W sends me a text saying that I don't have to stay away until 3p unless I want to, as she is home with the kiddos tomorrow for MLK day.
Being a broken record (a good one), Thank You all for your ongoing support and words of wisdom.
All in all it was much better than I expected, especially b/c the alternative was staying at home with my parents. Love them and all, but watching reruns of shows isn't exactly appealing. Some may consider anti GAL. 8) Friend of course asked for an update on the sich, it wasn't bad. He didn't offer any "advice," which was nice, other than take care of myself. He too went through a D many years ago so he understands a little more. I did order food. I did not pay attention too much to the game, except for cheering for the other team as needed. 
