I don't see you as whining... I see you doing a brain dump of all that you are feeling. I think it's pretty amazing the way you are able to articulate all of that.
There are no guarantees in life. You could wait and it could still end. You could wait and he will pull himself out of this. We just don't know. It's a matter of you at this point. What are you able to handle? What are you able to live with?
I do so understand how you question yourself and your worth because of what has gone on. I turned 40 and I'm telling you, my H's affair with someone 10 years my junior really shook my core. It never really mattered what attention I got anywhere else, if my H didn't want me, then there must be something wrong with me. I've allowed him to be judge, jury and executioner in my life. And it's something that we need to work on. Because neither of our H's, or anyone else gets to decide our worth.
I know it's frustrating and can send us into a downright panic to watch the lives we had once slip away... to watch these men we loved slip away. But Snodderly is right, we cannot do anything about that. And I think sometimes they get to a place where there is nothing we can do/say that will get them to respond. So we have to do our own thing. And each day we need to decide what "our own thing" is. When things become overwhelming, just focus on one thing. Simplify the goals. Does it stink? Yep. I mean I had a boatload of options in front of me in deciding what to do next and all of them were not ideal in my opinion. But I hope that one day, I will see the light and realize everything will be ok. I will feel whole again. I've seen a lot of people on these boards move on and have good lives. And as much as we kick and scream and need to be dragged through the process, that will happen for us. I know how hard that is to imagine. I can't imagine it for myself most days. But it's the truth.
So, do one thing today that will make you feel better and get your mind off of your H and your situation.
