nero, Many of the things you are reading are for those not in crisis. Your spouse is in crisis and everything that you would normally do will be the exact opposite right now. Do not pursue, do not contact unless it is an emergency, do not bring up the subject of the relationship, and the list goes on and on. Why? Because your spouse is right now, the exact opposite of who he/she was prior to the crisis. They are now the mirror image, i.e., in other words, the adult has morphed into a child/teenager.
What happened to your spouse is not your fault. It happened a long, long time ago at an early stage. He/she was stunted emotionally by someone in authority. Their feelings/thoughts were not validated and some of them were expected to live up to very high standards when all they wanted to do is be a child and be heard.
Something triggered the crisis for him and it wasn't disenchantment. He thinks he missed out on something from long ago and now he's gone back in time to grow up. If your marriage was a bad one, he wouldn't have stayed as long as he has. The crisis hit, he had to explore the world somewhat like Columbus had to long ago.
You didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him. If you think that you have areas in your life that need some fine tuning, by all means work on them, but you did not cause his crisis, nor can you "win" him back over at this time. This is his journey to make w/o you in the passenger seat. Your journey is one of discovery and yes, you will need to work through your pain and not side step it like the mlcers. You will recover far quicker than the mlcer because you are facing your issues an day-to-day life head on.
You can do this and you will find that if you take each day as it comes and not look too far into the future, you will find it does get easier. Make a list of things you've not been able to do or complete and start working on them. Just remember, any changes that you make for yourself must remain permanent and are not done just to get him back.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start walking. I'm sure you've got some things that you need to do today. You can do this!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
