5 months in

[Tessa2012]

Hi everyone!

The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of activity on the home and work side of things.

My H did come to the holiday party with me. We both weren't feeling too good but we at least lasted an hour there before heading back. It's a good thing that we didn't stay any longer because I ended up getting physically sick. H came in and checked to see how I was doing. He actually sounded concerned.

Last week, H stated that he wanted to go out to dinner on Friday. We went to a place that we used to always visit because of the great food and house beers. There was A LOT of animosity between us the last time that we were there. This time was MUCH better. We had good conversation and he even offered me some of his clam chowder (fed it to me, too).

The next day or so, we were texting about a purchasing a handgun for me. He reminded me that there was one at home for me. I had mentioned that I was looking at one for "the future". He then messaged something that completely threw me off. He mentioned that he loved me 100% and that no matter what he was still my husband.

H tried to call an hr or so later and I missed it. He left a msg and stated that I didn't have to call back. I send him a text back stating the phone didn't ring and I'd chat with him later. He actually called back and said that he's had a lot of time to think about everything and he wants to see if we can make it work. He mentioned that he hoped it wasn't too late to try and asked for my feelings. Even though I was "omg, omg, omg" in my head, I calmly said "I'd like that."

So, it seems that he wants to fix our M and R. He's been talking more about our future together, getting our own place, etc. I'm happy that he's made this choice but I'm still on guard around him.

I've made a BIG step with my GAL. A while back, I had mentioned that I had gone on an audition that went rather well. This past Wednesday night, I went on another audition for an international show for models and talent that is happening in NYC in July. I mostly went for the experience and to see what would happen. I actually received an invitation and call back to speak with the scout about attending the show. He felt that I am a really good actress and that I would do well in the commercial advertising business. I'm elated and shocked at the same time. I am fully aware that it may amount to nothing but I'm still excited that a scout in the business thinks I have what it takes.

Since the show is a week in NYC and H is talking about making it work. I made the decision to talk with him about the auditions and the opportunity that is presented. We had a nice, calm conversation and he gave me his blessing to look into it more and pursue this other career...as long as I'm smart about it. I agree completely and it felt so good to have an open talk with him about my new goal. It felt even better to have his support.

Now onto the next step. Trying to keep things going on the right track.