Is it humanly possible to drop the rope?

[AJM]

Something else to consider, Antonia. The ego was bruised, battered, and otherwise molested in all of this. Somebody once said that they'd rather be alone, than be left alone. I know why they said that - ego. But I read your posts and I suspect that part of this is that you do want that happy ending. You also are yearning for closure. I think that's a good thing and it will happen when you're ready. If you rush it, you'll regret it I'm pretty sure.

But you also remember the good times. How is that important? I think it's important that you "want" something. The idea that you want it from xh is just a by-product I think. You remember the good times, and that's a good thing, but as you're looking for something new, you're remembering the old. That's kind of how we learn, no? We learn from experience and the old good times are a frame of reference. Kind of like how we determine "normal" for our lives - we base it on what we know from experience.

I think it will take time and some effort let go the rest of the way, but at the same time, what are you letting go of exactly? I think in your case, it's the desire for him to come through it and for you to see it. Closure. But I also think if he were to come walking back to your door, you'd go the other way as well. The memories are good, but the present is not something you really want. Put another way, you can go home, but you can't go back

It takes time, Antonia. It really does. I would love for you to write that fiction. I think it would be great and I think it would be helpful to you and probably others. I think it may help with the closure so to speak. But you'll always have those memories - and that's a good thing.

You have the right idea. Put more focus on other things and you'll take care of dropping the rope (or expectations) at a later date.

For me, I still wonder if I have completely let go. I suspect not. I like the fairy tale endings too. I articulate that as, I hope she has a great life and does well. I hope she heals herself to a point that it works for her. But I also do not need to see the outcome. I'm not interested in talking to her, but I do remember the good times. I do remember that there was once a lot of love there. I smile at the old pictures and memories. I would not even entertain the idea of opening the door if she knocked on it. It's way past that time for me. I still have PTSD like symptoms when I do have to communicate with her, but now I see that for what it is.

Time and effort and letting go of the outcome. That's my hope for a peaceful life for me. I'll let you know how that works

AJ