25 it makes sense. That is why the other day I said "these people are F'd up" I meant it. It just opened my eyes to show me that I am not the only one in these situations. One girl has 22 alcoholics in her family. I was like jesus I had my dad 35 years ago. But the support so far from ACOA has been good and just understanding that it wasn't my fault and actually taking the step to recovery was nice.
I know my W probably heals different from me. I NEED to talk. She doesn't like to bring up the past because it triggers her anxiety. She admitted that she was an ACOA and that she could relate to everything in my red book I just received. She spoke about her father and having to be picked up by the cops at the local bar on his days with her. She also spoke about her mother divorcing him earlier enough where she wasn't exposed to things.
For me it wasn't the same luck. I was 3 years old and watch my dad beat my mother to a pulp. I hold my 3 year in my arms now and I CANT EVEN IMAGINE her being exposed to something like that. But as you say I WILL NOT BE HELD A VICTIM anymore. I will recover and I will not be a reactor going forward in my life.
I speak to my mother via txt or phone and I tell myself "I will not be her any longer." I will not be a manipulating over reactor for the rest of my life. Actually just set a boundary with my mother. I will not longer respond to her txt's unless its an emergency. My mother is the king of manipulation through guilt.
When you say you do not want to hang onto your pain and your released it. How do you release it.
I know one thing that has helped me in the past is Charles Stanley. Search his audio archive on "forgiveness"
25 it makes sense. That is why the other day I said "these people are F'd up" I meant it. It just opened my eyes to show me that I am not the only one in these situations. One girl has 22 alcoholics in her family. I was like jesus I had my dad 35 years ago. But the support so far from ACOA has been good and just understanding that it wasn't my fault and actually taking the step to recovery was nice. Keep going! IT's helping so yes it's a good thing. No judgement on that or your wife not wanting it, at this time.
I know my W probably heals different from me. I NEED to talk. She doesn't like to bring up the past because it triggers her anxiety. She admitted that she was an ACOA and that she could relate to everything in my red book I just received. She spoke about her father and having to be picked up by the cops at the local bar on his days with her. She also spoke about her mother divorcing him earlier enough where she wasn't exposed to things.
For me it wasn't the same luck. I was 3 years old and watch my dad beat my mother to a pulp. I hold my 3 year in my arms now and I CANT EVEN IMAGINE her being exposed to something like that. But as you say I WILL NOT BE HELD A VICTIM anymore. I will recover and I will not be a reactor going forward in my life. PON, I hope you learn to VALUE how you have created a much better family life for your children than you were raised with. Be happy for that. Celebrate it.
I speak to my mother via txt or phone and I tell myself "I will not be her any longer." I will not be a manipulating over reactor for the rest of my life. Actually just set a boundary with my mother. I will not longer respond to her txt's unless its an emergency. My mother is the king of manipulation through guilt. When you say you do not want to hang onto your pain and your released it. How do you release it. Going to EE is how I did ^^that. Seriously...yes it's a process but it got a jumpstart there.
I know one thing that has helped me in the past is Charles Stanley. Search his audio archive on "forgiveness"
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Had another amazing weekend with the kids and the W. My W has completely changed her tune. She does has lots of trouble speaking my LL but she is trying. My W growing up never had "words of affirmation". The word love was barely used if at all in her family. So the communication between me and the W is getting better. She told me that above.
I've been sleeping back in the master bedroom now for about a week and it is great. No snoring. I haven't slept next to my W in 10 years. So this is a tiny slice of heaven for us.
My W actually made me a dessert that she use to make me all the time (Pre kids lol) I was floored. Didn't know what to say actually.
The positives are multiplying. We are planning another family vacation and I am really excited for this one. This one should be tension free. Kids are very excited too.
My daughter recognized that me and W are being more loving to each other. I think the words "love you" left my mouth and my daughter laughed.
W actually made plans for us to go out on a date 2 weeks from now . Very odd but loving it.
W and I have not discussed any R stuff since Jan 2nd. Sort of just enjoying each others company right now.
She is doing GAL and so am I.
Took my S skiing all day yesterday. Very fun. S was pumped. He is only 6 and looks like a pro
PON - Sound like things are still going great so keep up the good work. You are helping me a ton with my sitch and your story and determination are an inspiration to me.
I really liked this quote:
Originally Posted By: PowerOfNow
My plan is to fix me. GAL and fix me.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Sounds like things are still going well. I would still be cautious though. It seems very weird that she changed that drastically that quickly. Has she ever brought up why she changed?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Mr B yes very cautious. Your thoughts are mine exactly.
She did not bring it up at all. Things are going great but I have those exact thoughts.
-was there an emotional affair she broke off? -does she get some sort of winter blues? -do I even dig for anything at this point? -do I try to talk about R at all or just keep working on me
Right now I feel like just enjoying the positives and not press her on anything . Attend EE and go from there
Would love advice from veterans. It is different from last time I moved back because my anxiety is in check
B I feel like me and W have brushed things under rug again and haven't addresses any of our core issues. I am hoping EE will help me here. Home life is really good but I do feel like everyday "I am waiting for the other shoe to drop"
Is this common for LBS whose W has decided to re-work the marriage?
