I too have wondere if Im a little attatched to fairy tale endings. I've really been working on that, and still am.
Though Im moving on, I do still entertain thoughts of how nice it would be to back with the " good" XH. I think that's been a real hurdle for me even when we were still married and things were still bad. I kept holding out for some miracle or change in him because he changed alot like your XH. All the dark parts of his personality that only showed it's ugly face from time to time were steadily taking over. It started before his head injury but got 10 times worse after. I prayed and prayed. I did everything I could to try and turn this around. I read every relationship book I could get. However it wasn't until I started reading on MLC and some personality disorders/issues did I finally start understanding what I was really dealing with. Then I realized I was trying to apply normal techniques to a VERY ABNORMAL SITUATION. Not the right formula!
I've come to this conclusion. We all loved our MLC spouses deeply and have had long term relationships with them. Eventually we start to disengage from that old life and work into our new life, but it surely doesn't happen overnight. If after we do all our "work", and we still have feelings then all that shows is how deeply we loved them all along. It's ok to still love them and lord knows these MLCers need all the prayer they can get. However I think the most important thing to be clear on is whether or not another relationship with them would be healthy and fullfilling.
It doesn't sound like your XH is doing all that great and he's still in crisis. Same for mine. What satisfaction would that bring either of us if we got involved with them again? I want good things for my XH as I know you do too. Of course they chose this path and have to deal with the consequences just as we have, though this surely wouldn't be what we chose.
I've tried pushing my healing too. So that's where I realized I just need to be comfy where I am now, and just take things as they come. I pray for XH, but accept he's got one hell of a row to hoe now, and quite frankly I think Im the one getting off easy now. Same for you Antonia.
It's 5 a.m. and Im rambling... think I meant to be more precise, but not sure if It came out that way! Hope you have a great day!
