Antonia, I think you are rushing your own healing. The end of this chapter in your book of life has still a few more pages to go. I do agree that you may be looking for a definitive end and it's just not there yet.
Give yourself the gift of time and do not try to rush the ending of this chapter. Everything will fall into place. There is an old saying around here that I use periodically and it is "you are right where you are suppose to be at this time". I truly believe that saying and it applies to your situation as well.
Be kind to yourself. You still have a lot of growing and self discovery to do and when your "inner self" is healed, I think you will be pleasantly surprised at how strong and determined you are to make your life better and the world around you.
Take care.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
