Does this sound like a MLC or am I just in a SSM?

[mum2three]

Oh Bother, just when I felt as if this was going to be alright I have done a 180 on myself!!

I woke up this morning and realised why some wives walkaway and their husbands have no idea what they (Hs) have done wrong.

I have a perfect marriage from the outside. Financially secure, husband who really pulls his weight at home, is a fabulous father BUT I really feel that I am missing the positive compliments and the physical affection that we used to share. I get affectionate texts through the day, lovely birthday presents, cards that tell me I am the most wonderful wife but I never ever ever get a hug anymore. I had one on 1st Jan because I asked for one and it was pretty half hearted. Yesterday DH was complaining that it was cold so I told him he just needed a cuddle- he got on with what he was doing and complained again so I forced him (against my better judgement) to have one!! He kisses me every day and evening but never touches me with a hand on a shoulder or an arm around the waist. We last had SI about 4 months ago initiated by me. I miss the compliments and the hugs. But annoyingly I cannot remember when they disappeared!

The reason I was so angry with the texts to younger co-worker is because they were flattering and affectionate in a way that H was not being to me. So all my excuses for him : working too hard, tired, stressed had to be reviewed and discarded!

I have tried stopping any physical contact myself but then we go around like siblings for days until I crack because I worry that it is doing more harm than good.

At work, when I walk into a room a co-worker will often greet with a warm greeting and I can tell from their eyes that they are really pleased to see me. Some of my female colleagues will hug and touch me. I get loads of affection at work but none at home.

I just want to walk away!!

I don't want to talk about this with him and ask for hugs, it would seem insincere. I did try but he was under the impression we had had lots of hugs recently. I think if I asked him I would get a few hugs and then they would fizzle out. I could learn to live without them. Perhaps, I thought, if I fill up his love supplies using his LL then this will all help, and the love will spill over in loving affection for his wife!!.

And then, as I contemplated his love languages, it occurred to me that physical attractiveness in a spouse is very important to my husband. This is interesting as he was never physically attractive- overweight, bald, short but with great confidence and sense of humour. But I realise that despite being an intellectual he often talks about women's appearance. I have always thought I was quite attractive, slim and fit BUT I did have metal braces fitted 2 years ago and they do make me look hideous! They are coming off in early Summer. Could this all be about my braces?????

It also strikes me as lose-lose for women. Men want attractive women; we are less bothered but want confident, charming men. Women get less attractive as we get older; men get more confident, charming and financially secure. Of course my husband will find a hot young woman more interesting than his 49 year old wife with braces!!

I can't see a way forward except to assume our relationship is fabulous, focus on me, GAL, lose my need for physical affection from my spouse (I can do this ), and lose the braces.

Sorry so long, I am really fed up BUT if you asked my H he would think that everything is fine and we have a wonderful relationship- I think!! (although that is mind reading and I may be way off)