Sexless marriage. H Left. Now retrouvaille in 3wks

[25yearsmlc]

Breakdown, I've posted a few times about Retrovaille. Did I post to YOU about it?

If I had, I'd have made sure to tell you NOT To care or notice or even be aware of what your spouse is doing or getting out of it.

Seriously, it distracts and often undermines our view of them, so OUR WORK is affected too.

In case someone else can benefit, I'll use this post if that's alright with you.

I know you are already on your weekend now, but I'll respond anyway. Hope you enjoy it!

Breakdown, did you see a difference after RetroV? I am definitely prepared to work and hope that H will as well. do you know what triggered you W to say that this past weekend? Was this something that you were shocked by or did you feel that this was inevitable?

Yeah, I think retrouv helped....even though W said she didn't buy into all of it, she said the communication pieces were useful. She said she was more able to discuss her feelings afterward.

Interestingly you say nothing here^^ of what YOU got out of it in terms of improving as a partner. Just what she said, that she got out of it. And that was presumably right then at the end or shortly after. For me, I had some revelations weeks later as did my h. And we did the follow up program that comes with Retrovaille.

May I assume you did not do that follow up? It is SO HELPFUL...

I think our big problem was that I had huge expectations,

2 comments. It's important to watch out for that, but note, secondly, that your expectations were OF HER...and that's not what our focus is supposed to be when we work on our marriage. WE are our work.


and based on what she wrote and shared, I thought she was going about it half-assed, which just pissed me off.

so you did some mind reading, instead of your own work AND THEN you got angry - which hurt your own efforts at improving as a h. Is that accurate or fair to say?

I was hoping she'd forgive me during that weekend, but she didn't. I was hoping she'd choose to love me, but she didn't. That's why I say focus on you and keep your expectations in check...everyone's pace is different.

wow that is a lot to expect to happen in 72 hours. IF she had decided she WANTED to begin the process of forgiving, that might have been more realistic but even then, it's interesting that your focus was not on what YOU could to do reassure her so she'd feel safe enough to forgive.

A big reason some do not forgive, is not always anger but FEAR...


For this past weekend, the trigger was our first court date Monday. W filed in Sept after a big fight and as awesome as I thought things had been over the last few months, the court date forced a discussion about D and M which W has a difficult time with.

can you put the focus back on YOU and what YOU are doing to GAL and become the man you want to become?

it's all you control, after all...