Sometimes I think I am just here to echo snodderly. She's very experienced and wise at this (sorry that's so, but glad for it).
I've often described my ex's behavior as like a 4 year old. Similar to how my niece operates. Or your own kids at times. Or you may have in your childhood. It's a recognizable pattern the world over.
I can tell you mine still does that even now, as recently as this week. But here's the thing - you know it. You know they are acting to get "something". They will conveniently forget things, or otherwise omit them. They will cajole, berate, and sometimes both in the same sentence. But it's all for the same reason - to get what they want no matter what. They become like a sucking drain of needs, and they will do some heinous things to get YOU to play the part they have in mind.
Since you know this, and once it sinks in, dealing with them is much easier, even if it remains annoying or silly. Just like with a kid, there needs to be firm, enforceable boundaries. You need to develop them for you. You are doing that naturally already, and very well. Without getting over the top upset (at the time) and without anger. The without anger is the key. As soon as you become emotionally involved in the immediate situation, you'll become malleable. Once that happens, they'll push and pull until you fold like taffy
On the other hand, if you detach from the emotional outcome, focus on the matter at hand, and have clear and enforceable boundaries, you can firmly, yet gently and without losing sight of what you're doing, behave like a rational adult and you will be able to protect what needs protecting.
He's broken and will be until he fixes him. Until then, you are the sane one and have so much power in the situation, it's frightening.
He'll act more and more like a jerk. But more and more like a two-year old jerk that's angry he can't have what he wants right now. He doesn't have the ability to be anything else for now.
And it will bite him. The question is when and whether or not you'll be around to see it. But it will at some point.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
(sorry that's so, but glad for it). 