How to make it work again?

[labug]

I didn't read Oldtimer's post as saying you were dysfunctional but she can speak for herself.

I hope he holds up to his agreement with you.

[scaredsilly]

thanks, bug. i hope i misinterpreted.

[tori2012]

SS, just wanted to drop by and say thank you for your help.

Also, I think this issue should definitely be solved at a later time, when you feel your H and you are 100% committed to a loving M. Only then you will be able to solve this without feeling on edge. Does this make sense? Give it a few months...

[scaredsilly]

Thanks, tori. But, as far as I'm concerned, it's already solved. Money has stopped going to his D23.

The only reason it's been addressed here repeatedly, IMO, is because I refuse to take any flack for this boundary. ;-)

Thanks for dropping in and your encouragement.

[needgrace]

hi ss, sweet lady,

i am coming by to say hello, offer my encouragement and LEARN from your strength. i have not read everything but i too would have trouble with the $500 monthly payments to SD.

while it is an issue left over from the old M, i think it is also an opportunity for you and H to work through it in a new way, hence creating the new M. perhaps it is not so much the outcome as it is the process.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((ss))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[scaredsilly]

Thank you, Grace . you are such a kind person! Thank you for looking in on me .

You're right; H and I are working on our new (and improved!) M! it's difficult sometimes because we're still carrying some baggage with us from the old one . we're trying to unpack and sort thing out: what to keep, what to throw out, and what to mend.

it's a process.

anyone would be very lucky to have you!

[Concerned_Listener]

i just thought of another thing i worked on this weekend that H had complained about before. he used to say i didn't want to do things with him. part of that is that he's an extrovert and seems to need "constant" stimulation, and i'm and introvert and appreciate more quiet time and reflection.

so...i guess that's progress?

I found this post of yours, and can relate to the ongoing conflict of introverts and extraverts in a M. I believe that my failure to compromise and meet her needs for social stimulation and activity contributed to the S. I'm the introvert in the M. This part of the R requires ongoing communication and compromise. I go to church alone every weekend, and get up early before work to read. We take a dance class twice a week and go out social dancing 1-2X per week.

CL

[scaredsilly]

thanks, CL. i appreciate you bringing this back to my attention. H still needs to be doing things, especially on the weekends. i've been traveling to where he works for the winter (about 100 miles from our home) and staying there through the week. we go out to dinner, together and with friends from work, four nights a week. i help him with running errands and cleaning, laundry, etc., and then get "dolled up" in the afternoons for our dinners out.

it's nice and he enjoys having me there. we've decided i will come home on thursdays now, and travel back on saturday afternoons so we can do something together on sundays and he's not alone all weekend. it's a compromise because someone has to return home to get the mail and take care of things while he's out of town.

we are talking about things so resentments don't build. i'm letting go of the small things and trying to focus on the positives.

it's getting a little easier every day. nothing is perfect and we all have faults and little irritations that we hope our spouses will accept and not focus on...

[tori2012]

SS, it seems you and your H are finding room to compromise and to make adjustments so you can meet each other's needs.

Yes, focus on the positives, and celebrate them!

I'm very happy for you! ((((()))))

[scaredsilly]

Thank you, tori! I think we are rewriting our relationship. It's a little harder for H because I put so much of my needs on the back burner for so long. His reactions to having to compromise are getting better.

Thanks for dropping in. We don't get as much traffic over here. I'm still looking in on you and the other great people in newcomers. You're doing wonderfully!