Antonia, It took me 3 years to drop the rope. I have never thought about reconciling w/my xh. In my situation, my xh was completely off the wall and did a lot of damage pre divorce and it completely showed me the even darker side of him. We communicate periodically now, and it's just like talking to a neighbor. I do not find myself attracted to him, nor do I particularly care for the person he is today, i.e., still very selfish and self-absorbed. One might say that he never left MLC land. I never had any hope of reconciling w/him so long ago.
There will always be bits and pieces of the former marriage in your life. For example, music you shared, places you visited, friends that you shared, etc. But, I have found that eventually you will get to the point that your life is so different from what it once was and the person you are today is a different and better person, you tend to look at things differently. At least that was the way it was for me.
If my xh were to ask me today about reconciling, I would just look at him and say absolutely not. We both have changed so much in the 13 years that have come and gone.
I hope my posting helps you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
