'Yesterday, W said it was 4pm and she hadn't heard from me yet. Usually I confirm way before the time at which I go to pick up S. This time I tried to keep contact to a minimum, and show up as usual (since 6 months) at 5:30-ish (after work), on a Thursday, which she knows it's the day she allows me to visit. She said she had to go somewhere yesterday evening at that she would be taking S with her, and we should arrange a later time.'
Bruce ^^^^let me get this. You usually confirm the time you pick up your S with W. You decide not too because of detachment, W does not hear from you and therefore makes arrangements for her and S instead. You need to stop playing games in the name of detachment. This is not detachment, confirming time was a good thing, it shows you are responsible and taking the initiative with regard to seeing S so why would you stop doing this...which then results in you not seeing your S!
'I said no problem in a first email and to call me. She didn't call. So in a second email, I proposed to come pick S up today evening, to make up for yesterday --> This show interest in seeing S'
^^^because of not letting her know the time because you did'nt want to communicate with her...you end up communicating with her more and asking her to call you.
'And I don't mean that in a tactical way, but she can't just cancel my already rare time with my S, and don't expect me to ask for replacement'.
So why did'nt you confirm the time with her? IDK whether or not she missed on purpose. But by calling her as you normal you could have avoided all this...
'I think the grudge she is keeping is bigger than I thought. This thing won't be resolved just like that. She is super resolved in getting rid of me, to the point of denying me my S.'
^^^^get rid of the victim. You need to build her trust which will take months/years of regular time with S. If she is trying to deny your S then let the courts decide...but you are not helping yourself.
'Contrary to Crimson and other's sitch, my W doesn't live alone, she has the full support of her parents, you know the ones who didn't come to our wedding. She doesn't feel a void in her life or has the space to miss me or have memories resurface, because her parents are there. Therefore, it makes it super difficult for her to make any change of mind, nevermind a change of heart'.
^^^ I doubt very much your W wants to live with her parents. Does any adult want to live with their parents other than through desperation? and her parents won't replace a loving relationship with someone, which is made more difficult if you are living with your parents around 24/7.....and even if she likes living with her parents because she gets free childcare it is nothing to do with you.
'ow to soften her heart nonetheless? That is the one million dollar question'
^^^Bruce if you carry on a JCB could not hack through the wall she has built up around her heart.
Bruce, I am not trying to pick holes in everything you write. But you seriously need to 180 your behaviours and for a start:
Victim - stop playing the victim card now. Your W left for a reason and (like most of us here)that reason is you, so you are not a victim in this. Detachment - you are not getting what detaching is. There is a link somewhere if someone else could put it on here. Detaching is not just about communication especially where S is concerned. Boyish behaviour - you need to grow up, act responsible and stop the games, seriously. Softening W heart - you are not doing any of this to soften her heart. Parenting - what are you doing/learning to be a better parent? have you got people to talk to for advice on how to help you with this? Bitterness - I sense a lot of bitterness against W and her parents. Lose the attitude, if you work on you her parents will see your improvements and may help W see them too.
