Total despair 2

[GH31]

Greetings Suckerpunch,

I am now feeling more and more angry about the situation

Oh brother I remember the anger.

There were times I was so angry I wanted to smash my wife's face with a brick. Especially when she went off and banged OM whilst she was pregnant with our son.

I really don't envy you at all and you have my sincerest compassion.

...how selfish my wife is, the idea that my daughter WILL be effected by this, the fact that W seems to have some money in her pocket and is spending it freely. Gee, I wonder where that came from, considering how I make 5 times more than she does and for some reason my bank account is borderline broke after she decided to leave.

Please don't tell me you're giving her money after she has decided to leave.

Please.

Anything but that.

Stop it today, this minute if that is the case.

I'm just angry about the whole thing. I am angry that she is posting inspirational poems on facebook that make her appear like a battered housewife.

I just wrote this to SM34.

Deactivate your Facebook account without further delay.

You will drive yourself mental.

She brought me a piece of birthday cake lastnight, when she was dropping off D6. I felt like smashing it in her face. That is not a feeling that is normal to me. Therefore, I realize it has to be part of the grieving process....at least I think so...

Mate, you're not going through a very normal situation. But trust me, it's normal to feel anger like you've never felt in your life.

Feel it and don't try stuffing it away or drowning it in medication or booze.

Lately, I have been litterally making a plan in my head. It's not a good plan. It's not a healthy plan. But, for some reason it is something I am consciously planning, even though I know it is wrong.

Why is it wrong?

I have given myself the date of March 1st as my cutoff point. I have told mysyelf that if things don't change for the better, at least a little, then I am going to switch into "mean guy" survival mode.

I'm liking the sound of this.

I will approach my wife, inform her she has 30 days to get to a doctor before I cancel the insurance, tell her she has 30 days to secure her own housing and turn over every existing bill she has. basically, on Feb. 1st I have been planning to toss her out onto the street so she can have a very clear view of what the real world of being single will look like.

Good.

But be very calm, even tempered and sincere when you do this.

Equanimity is the order of the day here.

As of right now, she is footloose and fancy free, and eventually she is going to feel the real sting of her choices. In my mind, as twisted as this seems, 6 months should be long enough for her to make a decision.

I would have to agree.

If not, I will make it for her.....Now, I KNOW this is unhealthy thinking...and keep in mind it iis just "thinking".

I would beg to differ that it's unhealthy thinking.

I have been trying to ratinalize with myself about how wrong it would be to do something like that. I keep asking myself, why am I planning something like that? I realize it has to do with my current feelings of anger. I need to get on top of that....any suggestions?

"DBing" is two things:

1. Do what works.
2. Reject what doesn't work.

Now.

I hear a lot of people here go on about "DBing is for you" and it is, but that's not the reason you came here.

Emblazoned at the bottom of the DivorceBusting homepage are the words "Save Your Marriage".

That's why you came here, right?

I have never, in five years, seen a man win his WAW back by allowing her to completely take the p!ss out of him. Not one has reconciled with his wife by being a supplicating, accommodating, doormat like girlie man. You know this to be so, hence your anger.

There's no need to be mean, nasty, sarcastic or belligerent with your wife. In fact, I would avoid these like the plague.

But you can very firmly, resolutely and without expressing anger enforce your boundaries. And she will respect you for it.

Be strong and hang in there son.

GH31