Here are some of the things I have noticed...AS, thank you for the encouragement and the reminder! : )
* “Hug Homework”~~Daily hug before departing**AS PER MC * Having dinner and watching TV a few nights a week..not much talking * On Monday, Dec. 10th, H surprised S by working through his lunch so he could come home an hour earlier. * Ordering the cemetery blanket for our twin's grave for Christmas. * Asking about Christmas Day plans~~Dinner at my parents’ house…he was asked to make the mashed potatoes, as my dad loves his! * Reconnecting with his mother and sister and family in New Jersey. He has been talking to his mother more. *Decrease in cell/phone calls and emails during the workday, has given us things to talk about at night. *Offering bites of dinner *Brief snowball fight on Christmas Day *Arranging for my mother to bring S to the mall to pick out a bead for my bracelet. *Offering to build a ramp for my father's elderly dog. *Some unsolicited calls, texts and emails. *Playing more with S...somewhat including me *Fun while making the sauce for our lasagna. *Family game of SORRY *HavingS call me to apologize for being mean to me...20 minutes later. *Some eye contact while playing with S…felt a connection. *Washing S's wet sheets without being asked..before work. *Expressed concern and anger when I did not call him when car got stuck in the snow. *Making his pork loin a week after I mentioned it. *Even though he wanted to stop seeing MC as of 1/6/12…on 1/8/12, wanted to talk about us and mentioned he would try a different MC. * Suggesting we go bowling as a family *Hanging around upstairs to tell me about his cousin and the squirrel adventure…funny. *Upset/annoyed that I hadn't updated him about a job interview that I have today.
Now is a good time to build bridges, mend fences or reunite with estranged family members. If you're holding a petty grudge get over it. Be careful you don't see only the negative side of something or someone, when you can also look at the positive aspects that surround a person or situation.
They most definitely are. Whatever it is that you were doing in your DB plan, keep doing it.
I think they're great baby steps. Given the harrowing trauma you've been through it may take a bit of patience for hubby to find his way back to you.
Originally Posted By: KikiDoll
Today's horoscope:
Now is a good time to build bridges, mend fences or reunite with estranged family members. If you're holding a petty grudge get over it. Be careful you don't see only the negative side of something or someone, when you can also look at the positive aspects that surround a person or situation.
These things are usually completely lost on me but if you find encouragement and strength from it, by all means use it!
Thanks for posting us an update.
GH31
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
Thank you, GH! I appreciate your insight! How are things with your sitch?
Yesterday was H's birthday and it was so strange to not get him a card, but did buy things from our S. I helped S bake a cake for Daddy and it was a comfortable, relaxing night...he was working on a project and I did my own thing, but he thanked me for the cake and the gifts.
MY MIL sent the horoscope to me...as suprising as it seems, she has been my sourse of strength. She knows EVERYTHING and has been through it before. She even bought her own copy of DB so she could support me.
Tomorrow, we meet with our new MC...a man...does SOBT and is pro-marriage. He's to "letting go!"
Actually, besides the 180s, "acting as if" is helping me mentally. I find I tend to stay up longer and we have not had a R conversation, any tears from me or periods of tensions (although we are far from being out of the woods).
Does anyone think these are positive "baby steps?'
They all sound good for sure. But like I said before, just celebrate them internally and continue with what works
Don't be surprised if there are backslides on H's part too, he will cycle between baby steps and distancing. Enjoy the baby steps and don't get too upset over the backslides, just expect them and recognize them when they happen and do your best to act "as if" everything is fine.
Thanks guys...feeling the need for some validation today! I was just reading through a thread for 180s for new ones to try/implement.
I thought of a little one that got an instant reaction, although it wasn't an intentional 180. 2 weeks ago, we sold some things on Craigslist that were in our dining room. Because of the lack of space, we generally bypass the dining room and walk down the hall to the kitchen...I didn't even noticew I was going through the DR until after a day or 2, H said "Why do you keep going that way?" My reply was a "taking advantage of the new space!"
**i COULDN'T HELP THINKING~~OMG, he noticed something!
Looking forward to trying new 180's amd changing "the more of the same"
Ok, after a few weeks of "things going better," I had a major melt down today. H came home asking if I was going to my friend's house for the Super Bowl...I said yes, thinking it was a family thinG with S6. He then said he was invited to a few parties from coworkers.
I got all upset and cried...especially since one.party was at the home of the coworker he texts. I said, " they didn't include us?" h said, " yes, but you wanted to go to Christine's." Blah, blah blah...the woman's name got.tossed around and he was upset that I got upset..said, "I thought this was a closed subject." **I had been so good and DBing, GAL, etc.
So after an hour of talking, me explaining why I was hurt that I felt that he didn't want us there...he said he did, bit thought I would rather go to ky friend's...H said that he doesn't want her to be an issue...the party is at her house with her H and.kids and their friends.
I will take my son to our friend's...have a beer and go alone. I am not happy with myself tonight...jealousy is an ugly thing...I want.to reassure him that I want him to go and have fun (hopefully seeing her w/spouse will work in my favor) and enjoy. h never goes out with friends...his friends, besides is coworkers, are ones I have know forever.
How can I get past this!?! We have been seeing the Jew MC and I want to continue to move forward...get past the past issues of distrust and accusations of EA and have him believe me.
Because I felt it was an afterthought. He had already told me he was going to coworker party, and I was going to my friend's. It wasn't until I asked if families were invited, that he said YES. by that point I was already a wreck.
I didn't "ask" him about my friend's party...he was talking to her about it at s's party on Sunday..he even asked me if I knew what time.
This morning, H told me last night was a.step backwards. I said, "because of trust issues?" And he said yes. We had our MC-requested hug and I left. Went outside to a.car encased in ice. After a few minutes, he came out and said "do you want help?" I said, "I got it." Next thing I knew, he was.scraping off my car with me.
Ok, so backslide last night...what do I do to "fix" this?
