Thank you Snodderly for asking and your encouragement,
Family member is doing as well as to be expected in the circumstances. So I will be grateful for the positives - there is no pain, full cognizance and no need for any meds. Good days and bad days.
And I am, too. My life feels like a piece of Swiss Cheese with some pretty significant holes. I am losing a person who does not want to leave me and I lost someone who chose to leave. Neither is easier than the other.
Because there is so much quiet time at the hospice, I have too much time to think. I have not heard from xSO in four days which is a new record. And I wonder if that is good or bad? I tell myself that it does not matter, but...it does. The pursuit at least showed that there was some sort of connection. I know that is silly but there it is.
I really want to contact him but I have managed to sit on my hands for the last four days. I just keep repeating to myself that if he really wanted to be there for me, he could be but his ACTIONS suggest otherwise.
