Kimmerz, I really love to the title of your new thread.
Your posting was very heartfelt and you have come such a long way and endured so much. I'm very proud of you.
MGoBlue use to read and suggest Gary Zukav's books. His books help people to better understand themselves and the calmness and inner peace that comes from reading them is very good. I'm glad you've been reading them.
Kimmerz, your xh does remember all of the good times that you shared. One day, when he's crisis has mellowed out, he may very well bring up some of those goods times in conversations.
You are an inspiration to the forum and to those around you. Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.