Ugh, why don't you tell H how you feel about his unpleasant visits? I see no value in being a martyr at this point. You should state your desires and your boundaries confidently and expect to have them respected. At this point it's about rebuilding you, and getting you back to joy IMO.

Accuray

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015