first time - need help still

[albamarie]

i live in some victorian novel mentality about manners and decency and niceness

Oh my goodness Nero, me too! I have been watching Jane Austin movies from her books lately. I swear I'm a revisiting soul of my great.....grandfather who came to New York from Staffordsh England, who by the way became Supreme Court Justice for NJ.

My mom carries the last name of the town there and though we've never been, I'm so drawn, especially to the older times.

Our men don't fit the picture of what I would consider a gentleman. Mine fits the profile more of Mr. Rochester from Jane Erye, a married man who keeps his wife locked up while he carries on as if single. And, then it turn out he's weak as well, to weak to fix his life. Yea, that's my h,

I still don't think you should do anything, don't move or go away, it's your home and you wouldn't want to be considered abandoning it. I think IMHO, you need to set some boundaries w/h because your not M, it's so easy for him to just flow in and out.

You two, IMHO, who am I but a listener, need to finally sit down and work out the fact that your R is over, he has a life you will never approve of, so are you friends, or roommates, either way, your not dating. I would want that on the table all ready, only because he calls you to tell you he's leaving for out of town, go tell a buddy dude.

He's hurting you, you get devastated, he has his fun. Why is he reporting to you? Guilt that he won't call and you'll guess anyways, are you buddies now, I don't think it's to rub it in, never the less, you should be on a need to know basis about his life to give you the space you need to heal.

When he is coming to NJ he could give you a heads up but he is coming for his own business and not to get into your. Your not a couple when he's there or when he's not so why do you have to be anything but cordial?

Maybe it me, just forget all of this if your not ready. I stay out of all my h business, his work, his hunger, his bathing habits, his cell phone, everything and it has been a load off. I don't want to know, we are not friends, lovers, or anything more than two people who used to know each other.

I didn't make it this way he did, and I have to enforce it and make some of my own rules in order to not be so f***ing hurt by him.

You can detach, even completely, and still love and miss the h he was, but don't look to him to be that man. Even if he does eventually come back to you, you have to first be won over, and second start a whole new relationship from scratch.

Meanwhile, get off the NyQuil and get started figuring out how and what your going to do to protect yourself from him. And no, he wouldn't see you detach even if he was with you, your suppose to do it for you. We don't really want to go into spring the same way, with the same pain.

Tell me to stuff it if I'm to harsh or your not ready, but at least you know your not alone.