Almost Over...

[Dewayne]

I talked to someone locally that was on Celexa. They said the same thing. They said they didn't even remember half of what ppl claim she did. Turned cold to everyone, her kids, husband.. everyone that was closest to her. She changed back but he left and isn't wanting to come back.

I read DR again. Trying to utilize it but it's hard when you see so little of the person. She's called and txted now a few times and I ignored. Last day and a half I haven't been myself and didn't want to make things worse plus the whole "spacing it out" thing.

I plan to try and call in a bit to try and try to talk to my kiddo.

I've been doing a lot of thinking the last few days.

I'm being the best "me" i can be for the most part. Being bored most of the time doesn't help tho lol. sorry, BROKE, fueless and bored... yeah.

Talked to her Mon. night. She decided to get off the pill. Was VERY cold with me Mon night. Then, tues night she sent an apology through FB telling me that she was sorry and "I felt I could've been much nicer about it"

DIdn't respond yet. Not sure what to say... I typed up many msges but deleted them all.

[adinva]

Saying that you are bored really speaks poorly for your character, imagination, and initiative. You say it like it's not in your control. And as if money is required to not be bored.

Think about that and see if you can find anything there to improve about yourself. This post has nothing at all to do with your W, and that's the point.

[Dewayne]

Yes, it absolutely does.

There's really no art paper so I can't draw.
I have no fuel.
I have no money.
I have a notebook I have only less than half of it unused.
Um.. internet's been down.
Almost every game I have is multiplayer over the internet.
Minecraft is broken.
Single player of Battlefield 3 skipps.
I can't read more than a chapter at a time w/o getting a headache (eyes are fine, been checked)

So! I have no work still, (awaiting a call) No money, no fuel so I can't go anywhere. No games, No one to play board games with. Freaking house is spotless.

Writing poems is about all I got and I get "block" a lot.

yeah, there's not a lot to do by yourself with NOTHING to do.

I can't workout a whole lot (hand still messed up, broke it on a hyundai)

I've watched every movie on our media box and DVD, most of them twice... some 4 or 5 times. I'm broke. Nothing to do.. seriously. So when I say I'm bored... it has jack to do with ME. What I would give for some art paper, decent pencils, ... pff INTERNET... anything at this point.

[Dewayne]

One thing I noticed. The wife is txting and calling more than ever, saying my daughter wants to talk. This started IMMEDIATELY after the cold conversation Monday. I did ignore a few, and my phone was dead for a few more.

She FB msged me again today! This is kinda strange but I'm going with it. I think I'll call tonight to talk to my baby girl. For the past month and a half or so, since before I started my "wife's" fb page (one i write to that I own, wife doesn't see it) I've been writing to my daughter's FB page, whenever I miss her and she's at daycare or w/e, I write her and talk to her there too. This, writing to her fb and the wife's page I created has helped me tremendously. I feel it's better than writing that big ol letter, reading it aloud and then burning it, never sending it to the spouse.

I've been doing more research on SSRI's. I've also talked to some friends from another divorce forum... come to find out, almost all of my friend's on there, their spouses started an anti depressant drug less than a year before the problems started. One has been on them for a few years. I really surprised one of them last night, she went crazy reading the sites I gave her. I'm just looking at all possibilities and implementing DB as best I can, which I think I'm slowly getting better at. Seems this is one thing I learn slower on.

I hate this, because if there's a real connection here, I feel that DB'ing techniques become harder, and less effective. It's a huge wrench into the theory.

Still focusing on myself. Trying to keep myself busy, but so hard when you have literally nothing to do. But, I'm doing everything I can. I clean a lot, take baths a lot (cus I read in there), I do screen testing bits when I'm home alone(always wanted to be an actor) etc. I'm finding things to do but it's difficult.

[Dewayne]

Haven't heard from her today. Didn't text her.

Been doing a lot of thinking about manners, how to be a more real conversationalist, you know without getting too "funny". Been saying my rituals, things I repeat to myself to help keep anger out, being more sincere and honest. Stop bullsh1tting to make jokes etc. Also helps keep me thinking about others, an excercise I do is to constantly think "what could / would I do to be extra nice at this point in time? If this was my wife, what would I do?" things like that. This way, I get in the habit of always thinking of others. If I can do this, I shouldn't miss a beat / chance to spring something nice onto my lady friend/wife.

I've also been thinking hard about romantic things to do, that are unique and extra ordinary. And cost effective :P lol.

Been praying more, working on having "Faith" .. prayers don't do jack without faith, right?


Anyways, thought I'd drop in. Don't really have a clue if anyone's even still reading my thread but here it is.

Have a great day guys.