You are so right, ssmguy. I, at least, wanted the affirmation. Can't say that other women feel the same though.
And towards the end of marriage, H was not LD but was down to not touching etc. because he had mentally left years before. So yes, I felt unattractive and undesired, but in fairness, through our talks, so did he.
And yes, if my H said "good news", I would not have been happy at all, I think.
Can't really tell you what goes on in my mind at least, but I do know that emotionally, my needs were not being met and that is so tied to sex, for me.
It's both ways; unemotional, unattached sex is fine, once emotions come into play, they have bearing on sex. I think not so much for most men, in terms of emotion. I wonder how many women are really LD as opposed to not having something (something we are not consciously, even, aware of, some need, not met?) I wonder how to figure it out.
A week or so ago, I said something about coffee and H replied exactly what coffee I like at which shop and how I like it. I said, you remembered...he reeled off a veritable shopping list of things I liked and didn't, some very minor, that no one would think of unless they watched and they loved. I was stunned. He never once mentioned that he knew or cared. I told him that if he had mentioned things, or done them, that he would have been getting himself some on a regualr basis, because it made me absolutely melt.
