When tapestries of life get tangled in the loom.

[MrBond]

Oh and by the way, you said you asked her about tantrums. Does he have tantrums when he's with you? You never mentioned that before.

[MrBond]

That may be true, but again, tantrums are one of things that you have to learn to deal with when you have a child preferably before it happens.

[Big Bruce]

Hey, hold on a second,
I must be specialist to convey the wrong message, because you all misread my intentions.

My goal is to bond with my son. Period.

Then, I note, as a remark, that it didn't change W's attitude towards me. But it doesn't matter. Regardless of W actions, my deep desire is to be there for young Bruce.

I'm aware that W might never come back, but I am already a victor, because believe it or not, I shifted my point of view on life, relationships, family, etc.... Which I would never have done if I had it all together like before.

Anyway, W replied to my questions in a rather long (for her) email yesterday. (My deposition has only been sent today.. grrr... what was the lawyer doing during all this time?)(And oh yes, I changed S diaper, and she's complaining that he still had traces on his bum)(and why his socks and hood were soaked).

I haven't replied to W yet because 1. it'll show detachment and 2.I don't want to come across as "using S stuff" to get to communicate with her.
Also, if she got my legal response today, she's gonna be mad for the next few days.
Leaving two days before answering seems to be a good thing for the moment.--> I'll make a conscious effort to demonstrate it is out of genuine concern for S when I do reply.
Any suspicion from her that it's to get her back, and I'm broiled.

Usually S doesn't throw tantrums with me. I'm an extremely patient person anyway, so even if he does, I'll calm him down the best I know how.
If W wants to leave, it's one thing, all I'm asking is to not be separated from my son.

(to be followed).

[MrBond]

"I must be specialist to convey the wrong message, because you all misread my intentions."

I don't think so. Once or twice I can understand, but you've consistently said things that prove otherwise.

"I changed S diaper, and she's complaining that he still had traces on his bum)(and why his socks and hood were soaked)."

These are valid concerns. What did you tell her or did you just ignore her concerns. Sounds like you're making it as if she's making a big deal over nothing. If you consistently come across like that here in text, then it's fairly safe to say that it's how you come across in real life.

And what about his other health issues?

[Soul.Searching]

Ummm, I would so not be impressed at all with either of those things.
Would you leave "traces" on yourself? Would you like the rash and smell that would accompany it???? That's just wrong.
Also, why were his socks and hood soaked??

Also I wouldn't wait to reply to an email regarding concerns like that about your S.
I would take that as you being uninterested in his wealfare.

Sorry but that sounds pretty bad to me. Even worse that you don't see it as valid concerns.

[theUF]

You mention conveying the right or wrong message, but I don't think that's the issue here.

I've gotten some great advice. Recently I got good, but conflicting advice from chatterbug and Valeska19. It was hard deciding which road to take, b/c they both had valid points.
When I read your thread I see you getting good advice as well. Good, corresponding advice.
Be open to it, take it in and do some soul searching. Be honest with yourself.

[lionhrt]

Hi bruce, when u drop off ur son he needs to be perfect. Clean, hair brushed, clean clothes and happy. Your W needs to trust u with him and wet socks and a rash do not make a good impression. The more ur W trusts u the more comfortable she will be with u spending time with him. She will start to be more flexible with times, longer visits etc etc. But u do this for ur S. A bi product is that she may see u as a good dad who she can trust to look after the most important thing in her life. Which I believe is attractive for a woman. Detachment is not about ignoring her concerns over S. In fact one of the exceptions to the contact rule is the welfare of ur kids.

But u are still behaving like a victim and not a man and u r not coming accross as a responsible parent. Whether its what u type on here idk. So next time u have S make sure u get a spare set of clothes, make sure he is washed, changed etc before handing him back. That will at least be a start. Its frustrating because u seem to be on a self destruct mission and ur building up ur W case against u without her having to fabricate anything.

[25yearsmlc]

I second those suggestions.

I would add that you make sure YOU buy the extra clothes that he needs, and don't ask your wife to provide them. Same for diapers.

Do you have your own diaper bag for him? I would if I were you. I'd want to look as if I expected to be a single dad, which is what your goal has to be for now.

Otherwise you'll be a non custodial dad, who is missing his only child growing up.

How are the legal proceedings going?

[Big Bruce]

All great advice, thank you,

Got it. Young Bruce has to be perfect when I return him.
I will buy him extra clothes too, and diapers. (she usually gives me a bag, with diapers in it, a changing mat -that I lost last time- and his milk made of formula and natural milk).

Today she wrote she hadn't heard from me (well yeah, I have detached) and asked to postpone the visit. I wrote back no problem.

Then I wrote another email, saying that when I bring S back I try for him to be clean, and I didn't see his wet socks, and I know that traces in the bum can cause a painful rash. And also that the muffin he had was just a crumb and I avoid fatty food for him --> This will reassure her that I pay attention.

I want her to see me as a responsible parent, (which I am by the way).

On the proceedings side, well, my L ask her L to encourage W to grant me more time with S, because they're postponing the hearing date. No formal response yet.
I aked W if I could see S one more visit/week on Saturdays. No response yet neither.

I assume that by now she must have read my sworn deposition. And regardless of whether she likes it or not, my attitude is detachment. No writing often emails. No long emails either. And when I do write, straight to the point. Only concerning S. And no more "how you're doing", " I hope you're doing fine", "See you later aligator" and "cheers". None of this anymore.

She needs the space to sort out whatever she needs to.
In the meantime, I'm working on being a good dad, changing diapers and all.

So, it's kind of status quo for the moment.
Any ideas on how I should handle the sitch?
Thanx,
B.

[MrBond]

Is your son's name really "Bruce"?