ILYBINILWY

[FloydMan]

He is acknowledging his behaviour. Like an alcoholic, this is this is the first step to healing and resolving the problem. No, I am not saying you or anyone should accept living with an alcoholic, but accept his acknowledging. This is not to say accepting his disrespectful behaviour. That will come with loving and caring conversation that will tell him that you just can’t ignore it. This will be a boundary set but careful it does not come out as ultimatum or threat. You won’t accept the behaviour. Like the alcoholic, you will explain that no you will not accept it or ignore it because it is ultimately hurtful to you, him and you as a couple and family. He is also expressing how he feels. Remember, feelings are not wrong just because they aren't yours. I had to swallow this too and am still trying to. He is writing/communicating thoughts. That s good CV, no matter if you agree with the thought or not. My W would not talk or right, so I certainly get your question of how do you know what to do. This should answer your question of how you find out what you are doing wrong (not necessarily wrong, just what is needed to change in this circumstance). Your changes will lead to his changes.
I think LIS's reply is great re; her example of the lawyer. Don’t argue it, accept it. More will come out as he feels comfortable to share. Clearly he is struggling to communicate and that may not be all of his fault.
LIS’s suggestions are also great.