I don't have many answers for you. I mean my H would have been perfectly happy for me to sit there and waste away while he did whatever he wanted. Not a good formula for a mutually beneficial relationship. So, there is work to be done here.
However, I did want to share with you something. When my H and I separated the first time, my mom sat down and had a talk with me. She said that I was very hard to argue with as I handled many conversations like a lawyer. I would ask for evidence of their argument and then when they were unable to retort, I "won" the argument. Only I really hadn't. I failed to understand that people are slower with responses and are simply not able to articulate their feelings. So I caution you to be mindful of that with your H. While that doesn't help to get to answers, it's a warning that we may get further away from that possibility when we handle things like lawyers rather than an emotional exchange. Not saying you are doing this as it's very difficult to understand dynamics through simply what is written on the boards.
Obviously, this is a VERY interesting development to say the least. He "feels" something is going on or else he would have continued on his merry way. He is clearly unable to know what to do with that. Your biggest issue seems to be that he wants you to accept his bad behavior. (Oh I so get it). My suggestion? You focus on that right now. You are not going to solve this thing in one day, if you solve it at all. But I have a theory about things. When things become so overwhelming, we need to simplify the goal. Just do one thing. So if your one thing is to focus in on that part of the conversation, then focus in on that and let the rest go for the moment. So, go ahead and focus on that. Validate his feelings (don't agree with them just let him know you are listening), ask him to please try to observe your interactions over the next week or so and write down when he feels he's not being "loved," and then use that as an opportunity to explain how it is that you have felt unloved. He is clearly looking for some kind of security. I don't quite know how, but you need to find a way to make him feel secure in these interactions. That you are both on the same side. Otherwise, he will continue alienate. Hopes this helps a little bit.
