Sorry you're here, but hopefully we can help you through this!
Originally Posted By: LJC
Oct 15th '12 I heard my W say ILYBINILWY
OK, well your sitch is still relatively new even though it probably seems like forever. So just take a deep breath and settle in for the long haul!
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and I got it thru to her that she was in the throws of an EA. She said this was over and no contact has been made since which as I've learnt I can't trust her or believe she is telling me the truth.
While that's true, you are separated, so you really have no control over what she does. It's important for you to detach. That means no questions about where she's going/ who she's seeing. No snooping. No spying. No phone calls/ texts/ emails.
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Upto present day W is stressing as bills are starting to arrive on her mat and she is pressing me for regular maintenance payments which is what I've been doing since day one but she wants def days when she gets her money not 'when I remember' so she can stop stressing and budget for bills etc
I would come to an agreement with her on how much you're paying and on what days you'll make those payments. Everything else is not your concern. If you're making your payments on time then she has no reason to whine at you about her budget woes.
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but while she is stressing over money she is still regularly going out to the pub with friends spending money what she tells me she hasn't got!
Well, you would like to know that your money is going towards care of the kids rather than her drinking binges. You might want to discuss that with her, if you're going to be making regular payments to her I don't think it's unreasonable to expect her to vouch for where the funds are going. Obviously you can't keep her from going, but if she's going out every night on your dime then that's not acceptable.
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As well as this she is now attracting attention from OM which has just knocked me for six and really made me feel low again as I can't stop thinking about OM touching her while we are still officially married!
The easiest way for me to deal with this was to come to the realization that we really weren't married anymore except on paper. When my W left, she basically trashed the marriage covenants. So there was nothing left then except for a legal document which in the end isn't really much of anything. Once I saw things that way, it became more obvious to me that what W was doing was outside of the old M. By the way to this day I don't know if W is in an A or not, I think she is but I've never found out for sure.
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She has given no indication she is seeing anyone nor that she wants to file for D.
Good, don't pressure her about it. If she doesn't talk about D then that's a good sign that she isn't in a hurry to pursue it. Use the time for DB'ing
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Myself - I've very quickly been GAL.
Excellent, great stuff. Keep it up!!
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I know I can't make my W do anything she has to realise what she's done herself and she can do as she pleases like she has been doing but is there anyone who can give me advice on how I deal with her being with someone else?
Keep focusing on you. I promise you, it gets easier and better. It takes time, but you will feel better about yourself and will find yourself less concerned about W and her activities. Like I said above, I never have found out whether W is in an A or not, but I just assumed that she was. For me that was a lot easier to deal with than not knowing. Chances are that if you suspect it then it's probably true.
