Limbo Land

[jzoom]

So earlier I start thinking about how I need to get my butt moving and clean up the house. I started thinking about what needed to be done and started going down the route of getting the bedroom her and kids where using cleaned up and organized. I was thinking of getting stuff picked up, beds laundered and made up nicely, clothes in baskets put away and stuff.

So I'm thinking how this is me showing some of the beta comfort that I hadn't really been doing. To establish how the house is still her home and is ready for when she comes back. To show how I really care about her and the kids and that I did this b/c I WANTED to b/c I WANT to take care of my FAMILY.

Here's the troubling thing, I really do. I really did come to view her and the kids as my family and I did the laundry and helped with the kids b/c I wanted to help take care of my family.

I copy/pasted the DB rules over to the notepad on my phone. All last night and this morning I kept looking at them. Everytime I got the urge to text her I would look at them first. So I also started struggling with how me cleaning up the house as described would be viewed and wondered if it would be viewed how I wanted or as chasing behavior.

Then I glanced at the thread here and realized that if I do it the way I described it will come off as chasing behavior. She'll view it as me being needy, clingy, and not moving on in the least. So right, I don't want to come off as angry, cold, or bitter but I have to come off as moving on.

So now I'm thinking if I go in the bedroom at all I'll straighten up a bit, kind of the boxing up idea. Maybe strip the sheets, wash them, fold them, and put them away as if nobody will be using the beds. Get the clothes in the bathroom in the baskets and just stack them up in the bedroom to show I'm taking my bathroom back since they're not around and using it. Clean up the living room and dining room and put toys and such in boxes and just put them to the side.

Besides that I have an interesting thing that happened while at work. She tries calling me and I declined the call. I immediately sent a text (yes, I could've gotten away with just ignoring her completely) that said, "I'm not going to try and have discussion while at work. It's not fair to you or me."

Her: No its about something for *oldest kid* please
Me: Text it
Her: Its easier to talk please
Me: No, you made me text all those times I wanted to talk to you on the phone or in person.
Her: Wow whatever
Me: Text whatever it is and I'll look at it
Her: Nevermind
Me: Every time I get on the phone at work I get interrupted, which is why I said I don't want to keep trying to talk on phone
Me: Why are you getting like that with me? I'm willing to see whatever it is you're asking about for *oldest kid).
Her: Ok. Need is glasses didn't know if you saw them but whatever.
Me: No, I haven't seen them in awhile.
Her: K