Hey Nail, You are not a slow learner pal. It is tough. We all are in or have been in the same boat. This is why we are here together...to help each other as blunt as it may be. Sometimes a little prod or poke but it is all love. Chin up pal, we are with you, and in a lot of ways we are you.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
W is treating me so cold and shut off today. Don' know why, but it got to me. Feeling terrible. I know Im supposed to be detached, but Im not. Dont want to read into it, but Im worried shes gonna serve me soon. I guess it doesnt matter, seeing the way things have been going. Feeling really low........
Me:46 W:40 M:10 T:17 D:9 S:6 BD:12/11 ILYBINILWY:8/12 Served 2/13 I moved out 2/13 I moved back 6/13 W moved out 9/13
Just got off the phone with my w. she told me she is totally done. This is because a few nights ago I was alone with my kids and my daughter wanted to call w while she was at grad school. I told her that she couldn't because it would be disruptive. She picked up the phone anyways and started to call. I got mad a her and took the phone from her and I told her to stop telling on me to w because it could make things worse for our marriage and family. I know that I was wrong to say that to her, but I was reacting to my fears because my w already has been coaching her to tell her everything I say and do and I feel like she is against me and my ability to discipline is undermined .
I know how wrong it was and I know I was acting out of fear and I know that I should never put the pressure of my sitch on my 8 year old daughter.
Anyways, she told my w everything I said and she probably even exaggerated a bit. This morning my w told me she knows what happened and that I acted in the lowest possible way and that she cannot forgive me and that she is totally done and wants me out of the house. I talked to my daughter this morning and told her I was wrong to say those things to her and she said she forgave me and we hugged and everything seemed alright between my daughter and I. I know how wrong I was and I'am really sad that I went there. It's just been so diff ult for me to function in this environment. I love my family, my kids especially and I know I will never do that again, but Im afraid my w will never trust me with the kids again and that she will never forgive me for it. She is so extremely angry at me right now, she just wants out. Is there any hope?
Me:46 W:40 M:10 T:17 D:9 S:6 BD:12/11 ILYBINILWY:8/12 Served 2/13 I moved out 2/13 I moved back 6/13 W moved out 9/13
This is why you work constantly on detaching and learning to walk away when your emotions take over. It's process and it takes work, sometimes for every minute of every day.
How much anger are you holding inside?
BTW, I don't think I've ever posted to you so I don't know your whole sitch. This is just a snapshot observation.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Just got off the phone with my w. she told me she is totally done. This is because a few nights ago I was alone with my kids and my daughter wanted to call w while she was at grad school.
That was a backslide, but don't be too down over it because that one incident is not why your W is done. She's been done a long time, now she's just looking for any excuse she can find to throw how "done" she is back in your face. That's just one of the reasons detachment is so important. You have to separate yourself from all that kind of stuff that is just waiting to blow up on you. Detachment carries over to the kids too, don't involve them in any of this beyond just touching base with them now and then to see if they need emotional support.
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It's just been so diff ult for me to function in this environment.
Yes it is. That's why you have to detach, GAL and focus on yourself. You can control yourself. You can make your destiny. That's the idea, get to the place where you are no longer impacted emotionally by what your W says or does.
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She is so extremely angry at me right now, she just wants out. Is there any hope?
There is hope for as long as you care to hold it in your heart. One backslide isn't going to change the sitch, if things continue towards D it's not because of this one incident.
AS is bang on here. She was done long before this backslide. She will and continue to look for anything to slag you with for blame. I have finally learned to shrug it off and "act as if". This took me a long time and wish I had done it sooner. These things will still bother you but less and less as you see the patterns and clarity will come that it is all not just you. She is not having a happy birthday, you can rest assured no matter if she portrays one to you or not. Do not bake her a cake or get her anything. Not even a card. Get used to the angry and cold it will be a long time. Since May for me. My W and I have not spoken since Dec 27. Not even good mornings or hellos or thank-yous etc. I am feeling better and stronger about that now. Not that I think it is right, and is counter-intuitive but this is the process and methodology. I know your anxiety all too well pal. Hang in there. You will do this.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
Hi labug, thx for joining in. I have some anger, but it feels like I have more sadness and fear then anger at this point. Been fighting for M for a long time, more then a year since BD. only been home for past 5 months to really deal day to day. Feel like I need to drop the rope, w and I need more time apart. I agree with everyone, this is just more ammunition for w to justify D.
Me:46 W:40 M:10 T:17 D:9 S:6 BD:12/11 ILYBINILWY:8/12 Served 2/13 I moved out 2/13 I moved back 6/13 W moved out 9/13
