Spartan, so sorry things didn't go well. I think maybe you're still caught up in the heat of it and it is perfectly fine to come here and vent about it. I would like to see if you still feel the same way after a cooling off period, so please let us know later.
If you don't mind a 2x4 or two, I would just say that it sounds to me like the two of you were really pushing each others' buttons. I know this isn't always easy, but when you start getting swept up into an argument next time try and remember DB'ing. Validate her emotions. Don't agree or disagree, just validate. For example, when she said: "The only reason kids would come to me is because I'm probably bringing it up to them" instead of telling her "she was very wrong on this stuff" you could have taken a deep breath and told her "you sound angry about this, I can understand why you feel that way. Tell me more about this, I want to do what I can to make sure you're not hurt again by this in the future." You are not agreeing with her, but you are acknowledging her feelings. You would not believe how quickly this can defuse an argument. I've used it myself and was astonished at how well it works. In fact, we haven't had a single argument since I started doing that, but we've had some great conversations. Your W just wants to feel like she's being listened to and feel like you consider her feelings and emotions important. It's not about the subject matter at all. I think we guys get so swept up in defending ourselves that we are blind to all the damage we are causing in the process. No matter how logical our argument, it's a lose-lose situation when we defend ourselves.
