Hi AS, yes I have the 5 Love Languages book. My W and I started reading it together in December but she told me she didn't want to any more because it was too painful to see how I had stopped meeting her needs. I continued for a little while on my own, but stopped during the holidays. Need to restart...
It's actually good that she quit reading it, because if she knows it too well and you start trying to fill her tank she might see it as "tricks" rather than genuine. So the less she knows about it the better.
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I have also just realized that a 180 just means doing the opposite (or different) from what I had been doing.
Right, exactly. It's taking stock of what you did wrong in the marriage and doing the opposite of those things. We all know that it takes two to make a marriage crumble, but we have no control over our spouses and can't make them own their mistakes, so all we can do is work on our own mistakes.
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My approach of just giving her a lot of space is not working. If anything it seems to make her feel more neglected.
Michele actually warns against this in DR. She says that if the LBS was emotionally distant during the M, then going dark may be perceived by the WAS as "more of the same" behavior. So she does warn not to go dark if that's the case. But if it hasn't been working don't let that worry you, just make changes and monitor things for a few weeks. DB'ing is all about making adjustments now and then and seeing how they impact the R.
