On the OM, that's kinda what me and the DB coach agreed on. I think he'll go away as I start fulfilling those needs (and her contact with him is a ton less than it was, so apparently I'm doing good!).
And totally agree on wishing she'd make up her mind. Was thinking she might before this thing Monday...guessed that one wrong.
Discussed the D and the M yesterday for a couple of hours. I am not too happy with myself as I did not DB as good as I should. I let my emotions take control a few times and it impeded the productivity of it.
Highlights:
1) W feels "wronged" for parts of our M 2) W cannot or will not let go of her hurt/anger 3) W indicated we are in two different places as she does not feel the same as me 4) W's behavior is her attempt to get along, not R 5) W doesn't really want to have sex with me, she just does because she thinks that what a W should do
I only really believe part of this. I do believe she's not forgiving me because she's afraid...and I said as much. But the stuff about being "miserable" and not wanting to have sex, that is so far from what I see and feel I have a hard time believing it.
At the end of it, I basically told her she had two choices, extend the court date 6+ months or dismiss it, at least until the house sells, or move out and start working on finalizing D. I know this was not DB, but I'm just tired, and everything she said to me yesterday made me feel like I've been wasting my time.
On the bright side, she did agree to dismiss it and re-file later. On the other side, her attorney asked for an extension of 30 days before I got a vote. The whole court room is run half assed and if you're not represented, you don't really get heard. I'll do better next month
Have an appt later today with a DB coach so I'll post another status when I decide how I'm moving forward.
Good luck with the coach breakdown. Will be awaiting your post afterwards
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
BD - I'm so sorry this is playing out like this for you. You guys are in my thoughts. I'm looking forward to your post-coach update.
Originally Posted By: Breakdown
I know this was not DB, but I'm just tired, and everything she said to me yesterday made me feel like I've been wasting my time.
You have not been wasting your time. You are a better person now than probably ever. It's hard to see this when we all want our M's to work so bad but don't forget that you can only control you and you have improved through this process.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
You have not been wasting your time. You are a better person now than probably ever. It's hard to see this when we all want our M's to work so bad but don't forget that you can only control you and you have improved through this process.
Thanks buddy. I totally agree with you on this and haven't lost sight of it. I actually stopped at one point yesterday and told my W, "I like me now." In that perspective, whether our M works or not, my W has given me a gift. I don't know if I'd have been different otherwise.
My point about wasting my time is really addressing all the time I've spent directly with W over the last year or two. I've been on this balancing point for a while now and while I've thought we were really R, she thought we were just getting along. (Hell, if that's the case, I want to "get along" with everyone! lol)
I did have my DB coach call tonight and as usual, very uplifting. I can't say enough about the good folks that do this...they are awesome. Basically we decided to keep doing what I'm doing with some pullback, doing more GAL. Since I have 5-6 weeks before the new court date, we'll see how that goes and hope for a dismiss next time. If I don't get it, I'll completely pull back and start focusing on me 100%.
It's been awhile since I've checked in on your sich Definitely some pros and cons. What's your new 90day workout program? Ideas for outside GAL activities? Sounds like You are overall doing pretty good. Hang in there!
It's been awhile since I've checked in on your sich Definitely some pros and cons. What's your new 90day workout program? Ideas for outside GAL activities? Sounds like You are overall doing pretty good. Hang in there!
Thanks for checking in.
I'm doing Body Beast by Beachbody as my next workout. I probably won't start until after the superbowl, but I am thin as a rail now and could use some muscle.
Outside GAL activities I struggle with. I'm going to start doing the local wine tastings as I really enjoy learning about beer and wine. I want to start taking dive classes when it gets a bit warmer and hopefully keep diving as a GAL. In the short term, I'll probably just hang out with my brothers as much as possible and try to get more involved with friends.
I'll have to Google that workout if it has an emphasis on mass / muscle gaining. You're not alone with struggling with out of the home GAL activities. Cold weather only makes it worse (at least for me). So until then, do what works ----> time with your brothers and friends.
Trying to find the balance this week. W and I are still talking, laughing, and working well together in terms of the household, but there's zero physical contact now. It's a huge switch from a few days ago where we were touching the entire time we were around each other. I've decided I'm not going to pursue on this given her statements to me earlier this week.
Regarding GAL, I've been out the last couple of nights with one of my Bs, but I was home relatively early. W didn't even ask where I was, which I found odd...usually she's 20 questions when I'm not home. This morning she did ask me if I would be home tonight and I said "I don't know, why?" She said she didn't care, but wanted to get the house cleaned. I am planning to take my S18 to the movies, but it'll be an early one. I also booked a wine tasting for next week, so that should be fun.
One of the things I've wanted to do for a long time was travel. W never wants to go anywhere because of work, or because we're behind on bills, or something. I've decided to just start doing some. I'm heading to NC for a few days at the end of the month to visit friends and then I'm going to start planning a trip to San Diego or San Francisco. I already booked a return trip to Jamaica for next Dec, though now I may have to find a new partner to take, and I'm discussing with family the possibility of heading out to Vegas in the spring.
All in all I feel pretty good, but it's definitely a shift in gears. I'm a little sad and a little hurt honestly. But I am at the point now where I believe I really have to move on for W to even have a chance to figure her own stuff out. I think the "happy limbo" kept her in a place where she didn't have to address anything or think about anything.
W decided she did want to ML this morning, so I let her lead and didn't have any expectations. She was very loving the rest of the day.
Fast forward to tonight and W is on the phone with someone about work and OM calls our house phone. I didn't answer, but I did talk to W about it. She said it was a mistake and he apologized. I wasn't very nice about it and referred her to our agreement a number of times. I also goofed and said I could accidently call his W....that didn't help. Now W is PO'd and frankly, I'm not very understanding. I know she is communicating with him daily (and said as much), but I draw the line at my house.
