I got some ADs & some anxiety meds today from PCP. Took anxiety pill tonight to check my reaction--it definitely relaxed me. Not sure if driving should be done when I've taken one of these.
Interaction w H was not good. I came home & he had seen I had written that I was going out w some co-workers (on our calendar) on Friday. He said, "Again? Didn't you go out last Friday night?"
me- "yes, but only 1 friend." H- "who?" Me- "Just a friend. why?" H- "just asking. why don't you just tell me who?"
ANyway, I basically was trying to be "mysterious" and he was getting mad that I just wouldn't answer a "simple question."
I told him he has a life all on his own that he doesn't bother telling me about when he leaves here, so why should I tell him everything about what I'm doing.
He said, "You don't ask." Well, true- I don't b/c I don't want to hear about his convos w OW. And, I'm trying to give him time and space w/o pursuing or pressuring.
Damned if I do and damned if I don't.
Anyway, I had to leave to take S13 to guitar lessons. SO, I was upset that our first interaction in 3 days was not positive and I called him to apologize for not just answering his simple question (which would have avoided the the fiasco convo).
He said, "You don't have to apologize for anything." (which he always says when I apologize b/c he knows we wouldn't be in this whole mess if OW wasn't in his life).
My current mantra- Life one day at a time. It's all I can manage. Goal each day- to interact w children & H in a postive way (not to say anything to H to cause an argument).
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
GTO, quick check in from CA. I'll give you my 2 cents: 1. Sorry about your current emotional state. The bad times come and go. You're being too hard on yourself. Didn't do anything wrong. It's true, no need to apologize. Make the interactions relaxed--no need to hide what you're doing. Answer if he asks, which shows he's interested. 2. I don't like AD drugs. They can have really negative side effects, but some people on this board swear by them. It's your decision anyway. 3. Keep writing your GALing on the calendar--great to instill curiosity. But be relaxed about it. Nonchalant. 4. Remember you're as valuable a human being as he is. 5. Remember to love yourself and show him you love yourself.
I had a fairly good day (good compared to ALL other days recently). Had a snow day w kids at home. Morning to ourselves & spent good relaxed quality time w boys. No H, no stress.
Then H came over around lunch time (as he also had no work), snowblew our driveway (yeah-cause I've NEVER done this & don't want to, but was already talking to S13 about figuring it out together).
Went about my own business in the house & felt completely DETACHED from H--didn't feel like or need to interact w him, but when he said something to me I remained positive or at least neutral & I didn't ignore him either.
It did feel a little weird when he took a nap on the couch in the middle of the afternoon...why is he hanging out at our house when he's not interacting w boys? I guess he feels he's here if they need/want him. (Boys actually had friends from the neighborhood over to play so they were occupied & didn't seek our attention for play in afternoon).
I took ADs for first time today. I felt dizzy about an hour after taking them, but my dr said effects would take at least a week. Will give them the 2 weeks he suggested to analyze their effectiveness...then I see him again. He also gave me an anxiety med to take as needed--not sure if I will take it.
Am seeing a new IC tomorrow to see if she is a better fit for me as I am coping w this nightmare. She was recommended by a good friend who went thru a D about 6 years ago.
GALs this weekend- 1. GOing to a staff post-holiday party. 2) All 3 boys have bball games on Sat 3)??? the gym (does this count?)it isn't really social for me.
Today I had thoughts about being happy again (in the future). I don't know what brought these on, but hope I have another day like this one again soon!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
You may already be reaping some of the benefits of being on ADs. I remember having a better outlook the very day I started on them. Out of the blue, my children seemed more appealing too. Which ADs are you on? The anxiety med to take as needed is probably a benzo so addictive.
Your weekend plans sound good and great that you felt detached when your H was over. I hate it when my H naps on the sofa for some reason.
Hang in there with meds. For me, they've been a godsend.
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
Have mixed feelings about taking ADs but if they help me w my emotional roller coaster then I am okay w taking them temporarily. The anxiety meds make me feel "loopy" like I've had a couple glasses of wine, so I'll have to be careful & selective about when/if I take these.
Went to see a new IC today & am hopeful that she will be more helpful. In the hour I was there she asked lots of questions, gave me a new book title to read to help w my kids (What About the Kids?), and had a direction which she wants to go w me (coping strategies to help me NOW). I am going to switch as I am feeling like I am not getting anything but sympathy from my current IC.
DO any of you go to a support group? How are you all making new friends (meet-ups, etc?)? ALL my friends are married w families, so I feel like I need to expand my group of friends to include others who understand me (kind of like you all but in person)!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I had the exact same issue. All of my friends were married. I went through my phone contacts and all of my facebook. I literally had one friend, out of hundreds, that was someone I could actually hang out with that was single. Since hanging out with THAT friend, I ended up meeting NEW single friends as well. It is literally a networking thing. Find a single friend, have them introduce you to another....and so on...and so on ...and so on (for anyone that remebers the shampoo commerical)
In regards to the AD's, if you don't end up with any side effects, the positives will definitely become more apparent in the next few weeks. I am happy with the one I am using, much improved!
Hi GTO, I too felt very out of place for awhile as all of my friends and contacts were married and all of my activities had been focused on doing things as couples or doing things with the kids.
I did (at first quite reluctantly) start hanging out with a single friend, and similar to what SP said, I met others through her. I was reluctant because I don't WANT to be single again...but realized with time that I needed to meet new people as well.
I took ADs as well for awhile. And they did help me tremendously. I eventually weaned off of them as I became stronger within myself.
You will get through this and it will become much less foggy. Thats for sure.
Thinking of you xxx
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Have mixed feelings about taking ADs but if they help me w my emotional roller coaster then I am okay w taking them temporarily.
Just be sure to give them at least a month to work. You should start feeling a difference in as little as a week, but your body has to get adjusted before they take full effect and that can take a month. Many people take them a week and give up on them because they think they're not working.
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The anxiety meds make me feel "loopy" like I've had a couple glasses of wine, so I'll have to be careful & selective about when/if I take these.
Try reducing the dose. I took one tablet and it made me feel loopy like you described. The next time I took half a tab and it was better, but I was still a bit dizzy/ loopy. The next time I took 1/4 tab and it killed the anxiety with no side effects. So in my case they WAY overprescribed what I really needed.
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DO any of you go to a support group?
I really wanted to, but looked around and couldn't find one that was centered around what I was going through.
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How are you all making new friends (meet-ups, etc?)?
I had better luck reaching out to old friends, I was surprised at how quickly we were able to rekindle friendships that had been dead for years.
One more thing I will add about GAL. I struggled SOOOOO hard with getting out of the house. It seemd that everywhere I went, everything I did, I saw nothing but happy families and couples everywhere. It was like a slap in the face to me. I felt like a failure living in an world for happy people.
The very first night out with my single buddy left me feeling very down. I didn't, and I still don't, want to be single. Being out among other single people really hit home about my wish to be a happily married man with a family. HOWEVER, every time I have been out since it gets a little easier. I actually find myself now reaching out to "see what's up for the weekend". I am at the point where I look forward to socializing.
Little GTO, you just have to force yourself to go through the motions. It is going to feel awkward, you aren't going to enjoy yourself (at first) and you will undoubtedly want to rush home as soon as possible. But mark my words, you will get back in the swing of things. The faster you jump in, the faster that will happen :-)
One more thing I will add about GAL. I struggled SOOOOO hard with getting out of the house. It seemd that everywhere I went, everything I did, I saw nothing but happy families and couples everywhere. It was like a slap in the face to me. I felt like a failure living in an world for happy people.
Seemed like it to me too. One night W and I went (separately) to S10's school open house. I remember standing there next to her and looking at the "happy" couples around the room. One was across from us with their 3 kids and I was thinking "you don't know how lucky you have it, you're not a shattered family like we are." About that time the wife picked up a "take home" school project off their son's desk, handed it to her husband and said "here, why don't you take this to your house." I was dying laughing inside, here I was being jealous of them and they were living in separate homes just like us!! So now I look around and wonder if ANYONE is happily married. Broken families, no-sex marriages, affairs, financial problems, is anyone truly happy? Who knows, probably not many.
