I sorry this took a turn for the worst, but I think you should back off and detach. I know you are worried about the kids and that you telling her is what you'd want, but she's in a fog and going to twist things around. Frankly, I wouldn't say anything to her about the kids....parent the best you can, just like if you were already D'd. If she brings it up, then discuss it, but otherwise back off.
I completely get where you're at with the kids as my W and I had a huge argument earlier this week regarding the kids and D. She thinks everyone will be fine and they've already had screwed up lives. I think D will affect them emotionally and in their own relationships and I don't want that for them. That said, she wants D, I do not, so neither of us are willing to look at it the other's way....stalemate. Recognize it before you start down that path of discussion.
