She went to her IC yesterday and told me he agreed with her that kids were probably just in a phase and it's not divorce (guessing she heard what she wanted but it doesn't really matter). I disagreed and then it got bad. She wrongly accused me of pretty much anything she could think of to try and hurt me. She said kids are too young to be impacted by D and she doesn't believe kids have asked any questions and I'm just making it up. She followed that up saying only reason kids would come to me is because I'm probably bringing it up to them. I told her she was very wrong on this stuff and until we can figure out a way to discuss it I wouldn't bring it up again. I reminded her we told the kids they can talk with either mom or dad about anything they wanted and I hadn't initiated any talks. I told her I'd prefer that they talk with both of us because it's not easy on me. Told her anytime they've asked me anything I've always talked her up and made it seem like the D is a mutual agreement between us. She also said she doubts that and knows I'm telling kids bad things about her (I never have and never will). I asked her for an example and she didn't say anything. I said it made no sense for me to look for these talks with kids all the time like she says because having these discussions and holding them while they cry is killing me but she didn't believe me and kept going. I so wanted to say the reason they don't reach out to her is she's never emotionally been there for them but I didn't (I know blaming and judging her but she really hasn't). She even said the only reason I did website and help her with charity was to use it over her head someday. This was randomly thrown in by her in middle of kids talk and I know in my heart that is completely false so I didn't even respond to it. I was trying my hardest to keep my emotions in check and not try to defend myself because I know it's all BS but I'M sure I could have done a little better. I finally said I was done fighting and just wanted out and let's figure out a S strategy. This wasn't a rash, heat of the moment comment because the last several weeks I've really been feeling it would be best for all of us even though I was trying to convince myself otherwise. She then threatened to take kids away and said the 50/50 offer (from less than a week ago) is now off the table. She said I'll be lucky if I get 1 day and weekends. I just shook my head at her but her going there does scare me a little, I didn't want D process to get ugly. She also said she wasn't going on our family trip this weekend which I replied that's her decision but I was still taking kids because we already told them about it and they are excited. She said 'oh yeah now I'm the bad guy'. I didn't respond because I was literally at a loss for words by this point.
I received text from her first thing this AM saying D7 brought up trip and we need to suck it up and all go together. I didn't respond.
I know she's hurting about how this is hurting kids and she seems to want to hurt me more everyday. It's gotten worse lately, maybe because by all outward appearances I'm moving on and not showing the emotions I was early on but who knows. It's probably worse that kids aren't going to her about any of this stuff and she hates hearing it from me. It also can't be easy on her because she's abandoned all her old/ real friends and isn't talking with them or doing anything anymore but those are her issues. She made this bed so she has to lie in it. I can't live like this anymore. I really have no desire to R anymore so I think separation is my best option. I can't move on with my life when I have to deal with this kind of BS all the time. I might be able to tolerate it if it had a shred of truth but nothing she said is even close to the truth with most of it being just irrational. When it comes to kids I can't tolerate her burying her head in sand and pretending they'll be fine because they won't be if we handle it her way. I already called L this AM and told him this is my desire but I needed to know long term custody is settled before moving. He's working on it with her L today to try and get this done asap. I really appreciate all your guys support but trust me here, a 2x6 won't change my mind. I need to distance myself from the insanity that has become my W.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
