So by the time you get home and there is time to talk, I’m not interested in doing so. I don’t like to end the evenings on a bad note. I’m not happy with the current situation of you and I in the same house at the same time, but I don’t know how else to make it work. To the kids, things seem normal, but the reality is far from it. I still feel quite a bit of uneasiness toward you and I’ve been avoiding difficult conversations (bills, money, leaving/staying, who is paying what bill and when) because there’s a bit of a fear about having those or any conversation alone with you. I would like you to be leave Friday to Sunday so I can spend solo time with the kids. I appreciate that you have woken up and got S2 ready these last few days and I’m sure you’ve appreciated having dinner ready when you get home. There are needs that we have to put first. Figuring out our finances, listening to those cds and writing out a budget needs to happen ASAP. I would also love to get something accomplished in the house whether it’s cleaning or actually framing up the bathroom mirrors, or swapping out the kitchen table lighting for something else, but of course those things require two people. Are you off on Monday? I’m assuming you’re not. Do you have an idea as to how we can get some of these things accomplished? I’m not trying to be mean or rude, but I think us in the house together gives us both and the kids unrealistic expectations. I know you don’t particularly care for these types of emails at work, but at this point I have no idea when or how to have them. I am open to suggestions. Tonight is going to be crazy with my appointment then Zumba.
I'm not in a panic or anything about this. It's just kind of unexpected. I was planning on leaving Fri and coming back Sun. I agree we need to figure this stuff out. She (fear or lack thereof), has never initiated this kinds of things, so I can't say that it's 100% her "uneasiness."
Try not to mind read, it is what it is. If she says she's uneasy, you need to let her know that you get that. Could you suggest that you work through the finances with a third party if she's uneasy?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I'm doing my best not to mind read and realize to accept that statement at face value. When I reply, I think I'll say something along hte lines of "W, you are right I do not like receiveing this kind of emails at work. I do however realize that there is still uneasiness, especially when we have to discuss such dificult topics. How do you suggest we proceed?" Also, I want to add somethign along the lines of I don't have any "unreal expectations." I get D is inevitable.
So I did reply earlier. Mainly validated / agreed with the difficulty of everything and the importance of figuring out the finances (creating a budget / who pays which bills). I threw the ball into her court to solicit her ideas. Also, thanked her for making enough food for me and that I did have plans as I know she wants time with the kids.
W's reply was more of an "i don't know that's why i asked you" and "there's enough tension to cut with a knife" once the kids are in bed.
My reply to that was along the lines of "we will figure it out," "maybe IC will have an idea" and to have a good appt / time at zumba.
Side notes, shared the details of email with friend / therapist who is encouraging me to simply get cash and start the paperwork / move out (parents) as a means of self preservation vs staying put in this sich and prolonging agony for each of us. It hurt / saddened me a bit to hear that.
One positive is that obdurate receive an email to call for a face to face interview for the job u applied to a few days ago. Whereas on the other hand, W received an email from her employer saying there would not be raises next year and budget cut backs.
Oh, and I bought the After the Affair book. Hopefully as I dive into that later on tonight / this w/e it will help me sort stuff out.
So today has been eventful so far, I'm a little less than good overall.
[b]"i don't know that's why i asked you" and "there's enough tension to cut with a knife" once the kids are in bed. [b] I was going to ask what you were going to do with this but then read the mention of agony.
Are you in agony?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
So to try and answer your question with a question... Is it better to show confidence to her and develop a plan, "manly & attractive" vs what I habe been trying to do, engage her, get her ideas to level the playing field / not be "parental and controlling". Then again, maybe I simply need to do a hybrid. What's your take Bug?
Kids are in bed, going to keep all interactions at this time upbeat and happy. She was nice and friendly with me when she came home. I was helping D12 with homework. It was nice. Oh, and going to exercise for a few.
