I'm not as sure he knows what he did was wrong, as much as he knows something is wrong.
But I agree, the pressure is growing and showing and the cookie seems to be crumbling. I expect it's a lot of pressure he is putting on himself and doesn't understand how to get out of it. I know it's obvious to you and us, but it's like one of those Greek Tragedies - we can see the flaw, but the "hero" cannot. Tread carefully and deliberately as you did.
Might want to reach out to your lawyer again and find out at what point you should consider having him leave the premises - from a legal standpoint. Just a suggestion. Might ask about the good of the children and their mental health
As for your son. Please be careful there. He wants to help his mother (and father, but sees him as the agressor and the wrong one) and did so last night through journaling. That's a fine line between allowing him to feel helpful, and putting him in the middle, right? I think last night was appropriate and allowed him to feel like he was doing something to help protect his mother, but that puts him in the situation to be standing up as the man of the family. He may be heading toward filling the void. I saw similar in my daughter and it helps to be cognizant.
Your daughter too really. She'll manipulate to get what she wants. She's 5. Your H is going to have to deal with that because your D's growth will require different parents at different times.
Check with the lawyer sooner than later, WH.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
