I wanted to commend you on the work you've already done, you are on the right track. I was a quite co-de before the BD and have worked very hard to throw off that mantle. That programming from childhood is insidious and difficult to change but it can be done. Time is your friend.

About the 180s, I think you have it now but I know there are other places on the web where people talk about "doing the 180" and they mean going no contact, or really decreasing interaction.

In DB it means doing something 180 degrees from what you were doing because obviously what you were doing wasn't working.

With DB you also do what works, so if being with your W draws her closer, do that.

About her request that you love her like a man or whatever it was, if she brings it up again could you have a calm discussion with her about what that means to her? Maybe say, "W, I hear you saying I haven't loved you the way you need to be loved. Can you help me understand what that is?"

Don't get angry or defensive and if she doesn't answer just leave it.

It's going to take a while for her hurt and anger to dissipate and you can't work on anything while that's present.

Good luck.

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss