I'm going to start cleaning up. Politely move/organize her/kids stuff and just clean up. Do it for me b/c I don't want a mess; not doing it for her.
At the same time I've also thought about leaving it messy. she knows my schedule at work lightened up a bit so leaving it messy might give the impression I am getting out rather than sitting at home. Mutual friend told me that she told ex that I'm keeping busy.
I find it interesting she was checking to see if I have food. And she was checking up on me on FB. For somebody who wants nothing to do with me she's still showing concern.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
Definitely don't leave it messy. Women don't want to walk into a bachelor pad that's a sty. Maybe put up some cool artwork or something that would stand out.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I'm going to start cleaning up. Politely move/organize her/kids stuff and just clean up. Do it for me b/c I don't want a mess; not doing it for her.
At the same time I've also thought about leaving it messy.
Definitely clean it all up. Take all the toys and put them in boxes, make it look like you're making it easier for her to get out. When you do see her, ask her when she plans on moving everything out. You want to give her the impression that you're moving on. Here are some of the DB tips for reference:
12. Act "as if" you are moving on with your life with or without them and that you are going to be okay. Keep a good attitude.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. This can confuse some of them b/c it is not what they expected. Show your spouse someone he/she would want to be around all the time, somebody that can be attractive and fun to be with. That somebody is you! Don't overkill in your attempts to outshine another person your spouse may be having an A with (if there is OP in the picture) to the point of looking like your attempts are "fake" b/c your spouse will see through all of that.
That's the image you want to project.
Originally Posted By: jzoom
So is the intent here to show Ed that I'm GALing or to have a clean place to bring new women?
The intent is just to show that you're moving on. Let her fill in the blanks with her imagination. She may very well wonder if you're planning on dating, if she does then so be it. If she asks you then be vague in your responses. Say something like "I'm still thinking things through".
You have to stop seeing things as a "tactic". You keep the place clean because no one wants to live in a pig sty. It's not to show you're bringing women back. Something as simple as moving around furniture can have a big impact on what a room looks like.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
So earlier I start thinking about how I need to get my butt moving and clean up the house. I started thinking about what needed to be done and started going down the route of getting the bedroom her and kids where using cleaned up and organized. I was thinking of getting stuff picked up, beds laundered and made up nicely, clothes in baskets put away and stuff.
So I'm thinking how this is me showing some of the beta comfort that I hadn't really been doing. To establish how the house is still her home and is ready for when she comes back. To show how I really care about her and the kids and that I did this b/c I WANTED to b/c I WANT to take care of my FAMILY.
Here's the troubling thing, I really do. I really did come to view her and the kids as my family and I did the laundry and helped with the kids b/c I wanted to help take care of my family.
I copy/pasted the DB rules over to the notepad on my phone. All last night and this morning I kept looking at them. Everytime I got the urge to text her I would look at them first. So I also started struggling with how me cleaning up the house as described would be viewed and wondered if it would be viewed how I wanted or as chasing behavior.
Then I glanced at the thread here and realized that if I do it the way I described it will come off as chasing behavior. She'll view it as me being needy, clingy, and not moving on in the least. So right, I don't want to come off as angry, cold, or bitter but I have to come off as moving on.
So now I'm thinking if I go in the bedroom at all I'll straighten up a bit, kind of the boxing up idea. Maybe strip the sheets, wash them, fold them, and put them away as if nobody will be using the beds. Get the clothes in the bathroom in the baskets and just stack them up in the bedroom to show I'm taking my bathroom back since they're not around and using it. Clean up the living room and dining room and put toys and such in boxes and just put them to the side.
Besides that I have an interesting thing that happened while at work. She tries calling me and I declined the call. I immediately sent a text (yes, I could've gotten away with just ignoring her completely) that said, "I'm not going to try and have discussion while at work. It's not fair to you or me."
Her: No its about something for *oldest kid* please Me: Text it Her: Its easier to talk please Me: No, you made me text all those times I wanted to talk to you on the phone or in person. Her: Wow whatever Me: Text whatever it is and I'll look at it Her: Nevermind Me: Every time I get on the phone at work I get interrupted, which is why I said I don't want to keep trying to talk on phone Me: Why are you getting like that with me? I'm willing to see whatever it is you're asking about for *oldest kid). Her: Ok. Need is glasses didn't know if you saw them but whatever. Me: No, I haven't seen them in awhile. Her: K
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
"Me: No, you made me text all those times I wanted to talk to you on the phone or in person."
You definitely shouldn't have done this. Makes you sound like a vindictive @$$. You are so above that.
Yes, right after I sent it I realized it was a HUGE mistake. I should have just kept to the attitude of "no, I'm at work which doesn't allow us to have good conversations on the phone".
I do hate that I texted that part at all b/c it does just come off as vindictive. There's no way of recovering from it now, I just have to accept I made a mistake on that one.
What killed me with this was all the fighting to get me on the phone when she could've just started with a text, "Have you seen *oldest kids* glasses?" Me, "No, haven't seen them in awhile." End of conversation.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
