Wow Regretful. That's a lot more than I had thought as far as a response to ending either of the Rs with the OMs. At least you're able to recognize what purpose they each served; and that you're taking steps towards finding ways to ask / receive those needs to be met in a new R (H or otherwise).
Again, I can only commend you for the strength and courage it takes to look so hard at your faults to make improvements.
