From Survivng to Thriving & backslides in between.

[AntoniaB]

I just popped in a sec to see this really great post from you Kimmerz, you sound like you've had quite the epiphany. Yeah!!!

This whole "owning being single" thing is really on my mind lately and on the minds of a few of my single female friends who are about 10 years younger, but it's a way we are all connecting. We have noticed how much the world seems to pity single women, with people always saying things like "don't worry eventually you'll meet Mr. Right" or "you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get your prince!" (GAG ME!)

I think the problem is that there aren't enough single people out there just saying look, I'm happy to be me, I'm happy with my life, and I don't "need" someone to make me "complete", I am complete.

My XH's MLC in the end was a gift because it forced me to confront that that void in me was mine alone, that it wasn't HIS failure to make me complete, that I wasn't capable of finding peace alone, and I was clingy. SO WAS HE!! And so he still is now with his OW. Sometimes I feel sorry for him because he still has all the stuff to learn that I have internalized now.

But it's at the point for me where I simply will not invite into my life any dating or relationship with someone unless it enhances what I've already got on my own. I'm just not going to "settle" for anything less. And that's a powerful place to be. You sound like you are there too; you're not going to settle for the drama and the pain and suffering because you know that you have the skills to life your life yourself and find peace on your own.

The good part about this is that I am much better able to see the good from long ago about my marriage. I don't want my marriage to register in my mind or anyone else's as the way it was at the very end, the 5%. I want the 95% to be what I remember. And being happy in my own skin has enabled me to do that.

I think you sound terrific and like you are "on the other side" as snodderly says. Good for you!