Thanks AS I am always happy to hear from you and get your insights.. well here is a couple of things I thought I would mention they may be minor or baby steps forward but who knows.
d-11 told me that she told her mom to take as long as she likes because she does not want a divorce because then she said there would be no chance in us getting back together...W said don't be afraid we can always get married again and have a nice wedding and they could be in it....I told d-11 to not read too much into it as W is still confused....Also the next day she told d-11 that she likes being alone but that she also likes my company...so I guess in reading this we are still scoreless at the end of the inning.... My goal this weekend is to not have much contact with W unless she initiates it then there is next week that I will have to be away too...I find that the week the girls are away they are plotting ways for me to come over etc...so I will have to stay strong and stick to my guns...
Also AS I see that you have added to your tag recently.....it sounds like things might be improving...:-)on your end..If so I am glad to hear it...
Well feeling much better today...it is amazing this roller coaster of emotions. I wonder if W has this as well- my guess is that she does.I have been really thinking about my options lately and that has helped me a lot to think that I have a lot options.I was feeling trapped and anxious..and no matter what happens I will make it out of this fine, I have a lot of people behind me and I am very very thankful to this site. The other thing that I am working hard on is the embarrassement of this whole thing..I have stayed away from FB because it is hard to see all these happy families and see mine so broken. I don't want people to pity me or anything like that...I know this is just my ego and there a lot of people who go through this but I am a private person.
W said don't be afraid we can always get married again and have a nice wedding and they could be in it....I told d-11 to not read too much into it as W is still confused....Also the next day she told d-11 that she likes being alone but that she also likes my company...so I guess in reading this we are still scoreless at the end of the inning....
I'd take it as a good sign, it sounds like she's still displaying some confusion over what she wants. My wife said something very similar about a month ago, she said that sometimes she wishes we were back together but other times she likes living alone, so she doesn't know what she wants either.
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Also AS I see that you have added to your tag recently.....it sounds like things might be improving...:-)on your end..If so I am glad to hear it...
Thanks! Like you, I try not to read too much into things. But there have been some baby steps, it started at Christmas when my wife started asking questions about what I wanted for Christmas, I was really confused and asked her what she meant because I assumed we would not be exchanging gifts. She said that she did plan on getting me things, so then I had to scramble and do some last minute shopping! Around that time she also started initiating hugs, she had not initiated a hug since before BD. She's also done some little things like bring over cookies and candy she has made. And as you noticed in my sig, she signed us up for RetroV. I asked her back in November (when we had a talk about how she was still confused) if she wanted to do RetroV and she said "no", so when she sent me an email that she had signed us up just before Christmas I was pretty shocked about it. But, I have deliberately avoided any R talks and have been keeping the distance between us intact. RetroV is this weekend, I'm going in with zero expectations. I'll post an update next week.
Hey AS that is good news on Retro V I think it is wise to look at it all as baby steps. It sounds like your baby steps are adding up. Well I am coming up on the the 6 month mark that is supposed to be the time that my W is supposed to tell us what she is going to do. I told her to take as long as she wants but I feel like she needs to tell the kids so that they will not be in limbo and can move on with life. I have no idea what she is going to do but I worry that this six month thing is not a good idea. I want her to give it more time but then I don't know if that will look like pursuit. I say I don't know what she is going to do but I am thinking she will ask for D..so I am still nervous. I think that when it is a D it will be over for the chances of R...but then again my mind is a hamster on a wheel right now.
Well I am coming up on the the 6 month mark that is supposed to be the time that my W is supposed to tell us what she is going to do.
I'm not sure if you're experiencing this with your W, but mine has been extremely forgetful since BD. She was never that way before, I think part of it is the fog that the WAS gets in and part of it may be the perimenopause she's going through. Anyway, it would be much like my W to say "I will make a decision at 6 months and let you and the kids know" only to completely forget she said it a week later. So I wouldn't ask your W about it or put any kind of pressure on her. Don't be surprised if she never brings it up.
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I want her to give it more time but then I don't know if that will look like pursuit.
No matter what she says, just validate her emotions. Don't agree or disagree, just tell her you understand why she feels that way and you support her decision. If she says she wants a D then just validate her. Don't ask for timelines, don't help with paperwork, etc. Leave it up to her. She may very well say she wants a D, but that doesn't mean she'll pursue it.
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I think that when it is a D it will be over for the chances of R...
One of the guys here is fond of saying that D is just a piece of paper. The chances of R don't go away at D.
It is interesting that you say about the perimenopause... my wife thinks she is in the peri stage now and will be in menopause in 4 years...I have started making a mental note of when she has periods because now she gets bizarre and very moody when they strike..sometimes she forgets or just say things about her past that I know never happened...
I am glad you are going to R-vill with W....and I will be very interested to see how it goes.
I just realized this weekend that I have not been doing some of my 180's. I have always been available; when she texts me I always text back etc...now I can see that I need to start building a life without her- that makes me feel stronger and prepared for the future which I think contributes to being anxious or not.
