SoulSearching, I know what you're saying. I'm not sure, maybe it's transference. As an example, some years back, I was talking to a GF of mine about H's lying. She responded by telling me that she didn't think it was a big deal, that she lied to her H occasionally, too. Ever since she told me that, I haven't been able to look at her the same way! Have you ever experienced something like that? Maybe when someone has done something that you find incredibly hurtful, it's hard to be sympathetic/understanding to someone else when you hear that they're doing the same hurtful behavior. So if a LBS was devastated by their WAS leaving, and felt like their WAS was selfish and didn't give the M a chance and wasn't forgiving and was "crazy" because they found someone else, etc., I can't imagine that person being very supportive of even their BFF if he/she was telling them they were leaving their M.
But I get a lot of the same thing you mentioned, about feeling looked down upon. I think you might agree that some of the posts on my threads are quite antagonistic, and I don't really understand the goal/purpose except perhaps that they're venting their frustrations from their own sitch. All I know is that it isn't helpful to me in any way.
