When I initiate sex he responds about 50% of the time and this has been the pattern for years. I really don't think he is indulging in porn or a PA. I think he may just be a man with a lower sex drive
That could very well be the case. Is he overweight? Diabetic or borderline? Tired all the time? These plus low sex drive are all signs of a low testosterone count. Many men just chalk these things up to getting older when in fact it's an easily curable medical condition. If he has these symptoms then you should urge him to get his blood tested.
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But if I am detaching a little, and I have stopped initiating physical contact should I initiate sex?
Michele talks about this a bit in DR, basically she says if it's not harming you emotionally then go for it. Sex creates a bond between people like nothing else, so she's all for continuing sex in a troubled marriage because it can help bring the two closer together.
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I have a naive idea that if we got this sorted out the rest would follow.
You could very well be right. He may have a feeling that "something" is wrong, and not even realize himself that the "something" is the missing sex life.
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He has always claimed that sex never entered his head with this relationship with his co-worker-she was just lively and friendly and I think he liked having a group of young friends.
As a man your H's age who has quite a few male friends in the same age bracket, I don't believe him. Some of my friends are serious players, they don't get chummy with young women for the great conversation I can assure you.
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I am worried that by stopping him seeing and texting his young co-worker(s) I have damaged OUR relationship.
This is a boundary you'll have to set at some point, because it is very damaging for your M. As I said before, an EA is just as bad as a PA. But you can't broach that subject until you're sure he's fully on board with reconciling.
