finding my way

[littleGTO]

I got some ADs & some anxiety meds today from PCP. Took anxiety pill tonight to check my reaction--it definitely relaxed me. Not sure if driving should be done when I've taken one of these.

Interaction w H was not good. I came home & he had seen I had written that I was going out w some co-workers (on our calendar) on Friday. He said, "Again? Didn't you go out last Friday night?"

me- "yes, but only 1 friend."
H- "who?"
Me- "Just a friend. why?"
H- "just asking. why don't you just tell me who?"

ANyway, I basically was trying to be "mysterious" and he was getting mad that I just wouldn't answer a "simple question."

I told him he has a life all on his own that he doesn't bother telling me about when he leaves here, so why should I tell him everything about what I'm doing.

He said, "You don't ask." Well, true- I don't b/c I don't want to hear about his convos w OW. And, I'm trying to give him time and space w/o pursuing or pressuring.

Damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Anyway, I had to leave to take S13 to guitar lessons. SO, I was upset that our first interaction in 3 days was not positive and I called him to apologize for not just answering his simple question (which would have avoided the the fiasco convo).

He said, "You don't have to apologize for anything." (which he always says when I apologize b/c he knows we wouldn't be in this whole mess if OW wasn't in his life).

My current mantra- Life one day at a time. It's all I can manage. Goal each day- to interact w children & H in a postive way (not to say anything to H to cause an argument).