Oh. My. God. H is in Brazil on business for the week. He FaceTimed with the kids and things were getting hairy. It was after bedtime and the kids were starting to go nuts. He apologized profusely and I told him that this was my life now. And it wasn't my choice. He looked guilty and said he would talk to us tomorrow. I sent him a text message and apologized for being so blunt, but every night is pretty much like this. We have gone on to have a texting conversation about things and I told him that I knew that time wouldn't change anything so we should just agree on terms and pull the trigger. He said fine. I asked him if he'd ever considered that he could be having a midlife crisis and he said he wasn't. So, FY, you are SO incredibly right on that note. He said that he and the therapist discussed it and that he wasn't stupid and wasn't having one. And I sat here and laughed out loud at my phone!

SERIOUSLY?!!

I asked him if he would admit it to me if he thought he'd made a mistake down the road and he said that he would but wouldn't expect me to take him back. Not sure what that's all about but it's putting the cart well before the horse. Not sure if that's the truth or a lie, but it doesn't matter either way.

I guess I'm just flabbergasted (and I really shouldn't be one bit) that he's considered it and just "isn't having one", as if he's talking about another piece of pie or something. It just blows my mind. I'm sitting here shaking my head as I write this. Unbelievable!

Truthfully, I'm so type A, the limbo and such is killing me. Crazy as it sounds, divorce can be undone. If he made a huge mistake and I'm willing to take him back, we can make amends later. I just feel like I need to get on with my life and I can't do that if we're still married. I want to date, I want intimacy and I'm not getting any of that and don't feel right about it while I'm still married to him. I feel like it defeats the purpose of DB but he was going to do this anyway. I guess tonight I finally gave him 'permission' so to speak to pull the trigger. Ugh. Madness. Sheer and utter madness.

You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
-Christopher Robin to Pooh

Romans 12:12 Rejoice in your hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer.