Hey AJ thanks for your concern! And to answer your question, well yes, Im doing pretty damn good I guess you could say.
The past two weeks many things have fallen into place for me as I continue to work through my midlife transition.
Hmmm maybe that's what my new thread should be titled.
So I was just reading over Tad's thread and what Antonia posted. Then it got me to thinking of "why" my marriage failed.... for about 2 seconds and......
Then guess what hit me? I don't really care anymore as to why it failed! All I know is this man is impossible to deal with and Im glad he's gone. I've done all I can to try and remain at peace with this guy, but I now accept that this will never happen! I fully acknowledge our relationship was and still is toxic. I no longer want any uncessary drama in my life, and having expectations of him and even making an effort to get along with him is only going to cause me strife, so to Hell with it!
I think I just needed another year and a half to really see him through a different lense and to get a better perspective. As my perspective changed and reality became much clearer, acceptance and letting go came right alot with it. I can see the forrest for the tree's now. It also took XH a year and a half to start to act like we're divorced. Who would've ever thought it would take the dumper to treat the dumpee like they were divorced.
On another note I've been thinking about new relationships, and if Im ready for one. Im looking into new jobs prospects and hopefully starting college in the Spring or Fall. Im working on starting my new financial life with Chapter 7 thanks to XH running off and blowing money, but Im not even bitter about that believe it or not. Very unfortunate and stupid of him, but he did what he did. Im in charge of my own finances, and no longer have to wait around for him to contribute to our financial well being, or ruin for that matter.
I finally realized that over the last year and a half I befriended 3 men I didn't even know, considered relationships with them but it was clear to me they weren't "the one's".
With that thought I actually felt good about being single. Im proud of myself for not going out and getting hooked up directly after XH left to just fill the void I was feeling! And what I've realized is that void I felt was really ME ALL ALONG! I needed to reconnect with me, and find ME AGAIN! I didn't need XH to fill that void, or "someone" to kill time or help me to avoid myself.
Now that me, myself and I have gotten re aquainted, well it explains alot. I lost almost all respect for myself. I think XH might've lost all respect for himself too... but thinks he's finding it through other people and other things. Boy am I glad I kept my nose to the grindstone and decided I was going on this journey and truly find myself, by myself.
Yes, still there are times that I do miss things about marriage and yes there are still things I do miss about XH. I still do miss the friendship part at times. Sometimes I wonder if this is where XH was mentally when he's tried being so nice to me and acting like all is ok. But then when I realize the horrible spewing, anger and blame he would whip me with, my answer is a big no! He surely hasn't forgiven me for all the things he thinks I've done to him to make his life miserable.
But I truly realize that I never would've gotten to the core of "me" if he hadn't had left and we did go our separate ways.
