Rinse, repeat, replay

[Raine]

My H sense of humor is pretty much shot. One thing I could always do is get him out of any bad mood by just smiling at him, teasing him, and hugging him. He could never stay angry. He's not the same anymore. So dark and run down. It's hard to see him like that and just never knowing how to act around him. It hurts so bad to feel like the man I love has died, but he has this twin brother that shows up every once in awhile, a shadow of my H and has none of the same loving qualities.

Yesterday had my Dr appointment and let him know that we are separated. It was so nice to tell someone who just got it right away and addressed concerns and my rights without me even asking. He seemed to have a good idea of what was going on without me saying anything. While driving there I was just trying to keep it together, not wanting to break down in front of them while trying to explain what was going on. The first song that came on my ipod I felt was an answer to prayers. I don't think I had even heard it before. Since then I've played it over and over again. It's just what I need to remember to be strong, be myself, and focus on me. The song itself is very peaceful and motivating.

The Killers – Be Still Lyrics

Be still
And go on to bed
Nobody knows what lies ahead
And life is short
To say the least
We're in the belly of the beast

Be still
Wild and young
Long may your innocence reign
Like shells on the shore
And may your limits be unknown
And may your efforts be your own
If you ever feel you can't take it anymore

Don't break character
You've got a lot of heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Rise up like the sun
Labor till the work is done

Be still
One day you'll leave
Fearlessness on your sleeve
When you've come back, tell me what did you see
What did you see
Was there something out there for me?

Be still
Close your eyes
Soon enough you'll be on your own
Steady and straight
And if they drag you through the mud
It doesn't change what's in your blood
(Over rock and chain, over sunset plain,)
When they knock you down

Don't break character
You've got a lot of heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Be still
Be still
Be still
Be still

Over rock and chain
Over sunset plain
Over trap and snare
When you're in too deep
In your wildest dream
In your made up scheme
When they knock you down
When they knock you down

Don't break character
You've got sooooo much heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Oh Rise up like the sun
And labor till the work is done
Rise up like the sun
Labor till the work is

Rise up like the sun
And labor till the work is done