Mr.Bond, I understand BUT if I go this route, don't you think it will start an ugly D? She will feel threatened by me telling her to talk to my L. My fear is that it could start an ugly D battle and that is not what I want. If I must D, I want to do it through Mediation.
Me:46 W:40 M:10 T:17 D:9 S:6 BD:12/11 ILYBINILWY:8/12 Served 2/13 I moved out 2/13 I moved back 6/13 W moved out 9/13
"Mr.Bond, I understand BUT if I go this route, don't you think it will start an ugly D?"
No. The problem is that she is twisting things around saying that it's because of YOU that things will be ugly. Stop agreeing to that rubbish. SHE is the one who makes it ugly. Be sure you know your rights and follow them.
"She will feel threatened by me telling her to talk to my L."
So? That's up to her. She's talking to you like that because she knows she can bully you. How did you teach your kids to deal with a bully? Meet them head on.
"My fear is that it could start an ugly D battle and that is not what I want."
Puh-lease. Again, it is your W who is going to make it ugly. Don't let YOUR FEAR take over. Be the man you need to be to take care of your needs and your kids.
"If I must D, I want to do it through Mediation."
That's up to you. But your W will have no respect for you after this. She will continue to do things and propose what is only her best interest. Is that what you want? You want to be lead around by your W whom you aren't even going to have?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Nail, I am right there with you friend. It is wrong for her to "make" you move out when you don't want to, and Bond is right - see your L about it. I get you on the threats too. My H has a way of turning everything around to make me into the bad guy. It is a form of intimidation/control.
If you do S you may find it somewhat I a relief to be away from that on a daily basis. At least, that is what I am looking forward to. I know in my heart that things will never improve without some time apart. It is sad but probably the best thing right now.
Everyone seems to be at the same place today - exhausted with their sitches and ready for a break.
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
Let me put it to you this way. When all this first happened for me, my W said she was unhappy and I had to leave. She quoted the same reasons as yours. I looked at her incredulously and said if she was the one unhappy why should I leave. So she left and I'm glad I did it. The world didn't end, there's no animosity, etc. You have to show her that it's HER decision to make these changes NOT yours.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
No kidding RLA, everyone is in the same place today.
Nail, I gotta be strong with you brother. We are being lead. They turn it to our fault but it is their decision.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
I just have to say that I've been reading "Why Talking is Not Enough" by Susan Page and also "How One of You Can Bring The Two of You Together" and they are making a difference.
For the past 4 days I have been mostly focused on myself and the kids, I have kept a positive attitude, and I have not talked about the R with W.
Today before she left for work she said that whatever has come over me is great and affecting the whole family in a good way. I said thanks and told her I'm focused on myself and the kids and being positive. She said thats great, thats what I should be doing, and everyone feels more at ease now. I said it doesn't alter my goals. No comment.
For the past 5 months she's wanted me out of the house. I noticed that whenever we talked about the R, she always got angry and said I'm not honoring the separation. Now, she's not mentioning it, as long as I keep mellow and detached from her.
I don't know if this will bring her back, but it certainly is helping in terms of getting along and living together separated in the same house. I still sleep with the kids and there is no ML, but she is hugging me goodnight again and I was able to steal a kiss.
I will continue down this road and hope for R.
Me:46 W:40 M:10 T:17 D:9 S:6 BD:12/11 ILYBINILWY:8/12 Served 2/13 I moved out 2/13 I moved back 6/13 W moved out 9/13
Hugging goodnight? well that is a step. Don't pursue it though. Good step, but back away. It could be the 'let's be friends' play. I don't even get a look or hear the words goodnight. Just a firmly shot door. Don't know how I would respond to hug but be strong and back away. Don't fawn over it.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
Yes I will be cautious and yes I do know its DB stuff and yes I know you've been telling me to do this all along Bond. Thx for your support, it's helpful and Im sorry Im such a slow learner LOL!
Me:46 W:40 M:10 T:17 D:9 S:6 BD:12/11 ILYBINILWY:8/12 Served 2/13 I moved out 2/13 I moved back 6/13 W moved out 9/13
