H came home WED and wanted to talk....said he would try a new therapist...can't make any promises...figures we can give another try with new MC...but 2 years of him feeling this way is a.long time. I told H that this is the most we have talked like this....ever...and no tears from me!!!
H came home today and wanted to talk....said he would try a new therapist...can't make any promises...figures we can give another try with new MC...but 2 years of him feeling this way is a.long time. I told H that this is the most we have talked like this....ever...and no tears from me!!!
Ever since our conversation on SUN, H has had trouble sleeping (on the couch since 10/28/12) and had an upset stomach.
GUILT? Heavy thinking?
WOndering what simple signs people have seen to see if 180s are working. Since we live together, w/S, it is difficult to have no contact, but I have greatly pulled away this week.
1. continuing to hit the gym 2. not asking about his day..unless he asks me 3. Not asking about his work schedule 4. Going to church 5. Smiling, humming, being positive 6. letting him say "goodnight' first 7. plans to go out with friends this weekend 8. Not asking about us 9. NO CRYING SINCE SUN!!
Patterns that Work: What is Happening When Things go Well?
1.I worked fulltime. *I felt better about myself professionally…not stressed out from being home all day(or watching kids)…people to talk with (not waiting for companionship from H)…had more patience w/others...felt like I contributed to the family. **had more $$ for things like manicures, highlights/haircuts
2.We had fun as a family *simple things; walking around the mall, playing with S, going out to dinner
3. H and I had a lot to talk about
4.We showed each other a lot of affection *made time every night to talk…did thoughtful things for each other
5. H helped out more around the house..wasn't always working
6. I helped him with projects…allowed for us to spend additional time together
7. Date Nights were scheduled
8. Sent cards, wrote notes, made lunches, brought each other coffee in the morning,
My sincerest condolences to you for the loss of your twins.
I cannot begin to fathom how harrowing this is for you and your husband.
You both have lots going on right now.
Stay here, keep reading and apply what you learn in DR.
My wife and I tried for years to have a baby and we had nothing but miscarriages. Add to that my verbal abuse and the fact that I was not emotionally "there" for her through all of this.
Please stick around, keep posting and reaching out.
Many of us have walked the treacherous path you now find yourself on and lived to tell the tale.
We are here to help.
GH31
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
Thank you, GH31...it has been difficult, and eventhough I will never forget the boys and think of them every day, my S has to see us move forward.
It is amazing how many baby steps I see over the past month...little things that H has been doing...not so much with/for me, but thave changed. Things he hadn't done in a while...put laundry in...making a dinner that I mentioned wishing we could have...coming to me 3 days after not wanting to return to MC, saying we could try another one.
Plus many more....DBing working or wishful/hopeful thinking?
Plus many more....DBing working or wishful/hopeful thinking?
Sounds like positive steps to me Just celebrate them internally and continue with your DB'ing. It seems pretty clear that what you're doing is working, so the key now is to keep doing it! That's the core of DB'ing, do what works and quit doing what doesn't work.
Read up on the distance/ pursuit dynamic as well. You've pulled back and now he's starting to pursue, it's important for you not to pursue because he will go back to distancing.
Just celebrate them internally and continue with your DB'ing. It seems pretty clear that what you're doing is working, so the key now is to keep doing it! That's the core of DB'ing, do what works and quit doing what doesn't work.